Feelings

You never cared once

Not about my feelings but

why should you when I will not

be yours forever?

Just Breathe

You were so distant

so popular and stupid.

You could die on me too. Love;

I can hardly breathe.

Melt Away

He has these dark eyes

that I could just melt into;

If I could just dive in them

I’d melt forever.

Sentiment

He was in love with

me but I have loved

 only you for life.

Like I Love You

I love you like the moon kisses the ocean because in reality, I am kissing you.

I love you like a flower that blooms in Spring for I have grown to love you.

I love you like the sun rises in the sky outta nowhere because it was fate that brought me to love you.

I love you like the sun gives life to plants because you give me life.

I love you like the rough seas that crash into the rocks because you crash your body on mine so well.

I love you like a fish that needs the seas because without you I can hardly breathe.

I love you like an animal in a cage because you rattle my cages and know how to break my heart.

I love you like the constellations in the sky because they tell me your story every night.

I love you like a love song because all the songs are about you.

I love you like poetry because you know how to love me like it.

I love you like a music addiction because of its beautiful tunes.

I love you like a bird that sings because of its beautiful songs as it flies from the skies to the trees.

I love you like a longing nightingale waiting to be perched on a rooftop for when I get tired, you see, you see my strength.

I love you like the universe that holds you in its gravitational force that gravitates me toward you.

I love you like the grass they grows because you are rooting your seeds in my heart.

I love you like I love galaxies because I would explore them through your eyes.

I love you like I love sentences for they are words stringed together like magic.

I love you like I love fortune decks because they tell me yours and my future together as fate decided.

I love you like my horoscope because everyday I know you’ll always be in love with me.

I love you like I love all my crystals because the magic in you will never go away.

I love you like I love the ocean for its blue depths nevertheless cannot fathom my love for you.

I love you like I love the skies for infinity goes forever on and on.

I love you like I love learning for I love also to learn about you.

I love you like I love to study because you are a full time class in itself.

I love you like a constant lover because you’re protective over me like a constant sun that caresses the skies with its sunlit rays.

I love you like the wind as it and you caress my hair.

I love you like a Sunday because you when you fuck me you make me feel holy.

I love you like a secret because you hold the secretive contents of my heart.

I love you like a book I want to write my first chapter in for I have but one heart for only you.

I love you like Jesus to a child because you look at me like I’m still young despite the way I want to tell you I am no longer young anymore.

I love you like a dove kisses it’s mate because I can never leave your side.

I love you like I love sushi because to love you, good taste is required.

I love you like a candle with a flickering flame because the fire in me never died once.

Even when I am not as romantic, I love you like I love you like I love life because I can spend it everyday just loving you.

I love you

I love you

I do

I do

These Foolish Things Remind Me of You

One, Love Letters because you’d write them from your heart.

Two, Flowers in Spring, because you’ve grown to be hopelessly romantic.

Three, Rabbits on the run, because of your silliness and your ability to adapt in foreign places, and your scattered thoughts about writing.

Four, When leaves fall in Autumn because you’re always looking at me like you’re falling in love and I’d look back…. the same way.

Five, the Summer wind because you’re breathing is subtle.

Six, iced coffee because you love it and that sweetness is everything you are.

Seven, sushi but not because you hate it. No no darling you take an acquired taste for someone to love you.

Eight, The moon as it hits the sea because your love is deeper than shallow waters that go up to my waist while you also become like the moon, pulling me closer and closer to a body of stars.

Nine, The night because you surround me with your thoughts.

Ten, The sun on a rainy day because you lay like a secret haze of feelings I want to delve into.

Eleven, A maze garden because you are a puzzle I wish to solve.

Twelve, a book because I’d want to read you and your intrinsic thoughts and views on life and because you love to read.

Thirteen, poetry because you always know the right things to say.

Fourteen, numbers because I like to count the days when I can one day see you again.

Fifteen, because this is your favorite number, I’d like to say the forest, because you’re something I’d like to get lost in.

Maybe This Is How Love Feels Like

I love the way you smile.

When I’m talking, you distract me and my heart begins to pound harder as it goes a little faster.

When you’re gone I begin to miss you more than ever.

There is a light that is in your eyes when you’re looking at me while you talk and I love you.

I love you.

I do;

And maybe this is what love is supposed to look like.

You looking at me while deep down inside; I feel butterflies surround me.

And roses begin to bloom in the Spring….

And then I think as dawn treads on us while I am in your arms and you are holding me;

That maybe this is how love feels like.

Know Me

It only happens to me when I am with you….

or on a screen where you and I are miles apart.

A drum that beats to the rhythm of my soul.

Or the fast paced beating of my heart.

You are a code, a mystery I wanna decipher.

Your eyes have dark hues and you go to the extremes for the people that receive your love and love you back in return.

Please, let me dance with you.

Tell me your secrets as you discover mine.

Decipher me as you always do.

You know me better than anyone else.

Galaxies

In every world,

universe,

galaxy,

I am with you.

Always.

Tenderly

Thank you for loving

me tenderly while I was

at the least, my worst.

In The Rain

Your eyes are like Summer rain on a sunny day.

And I love you.

I do.

I do.

But I’ve forgotten; I cannot hold you.

The Lover

I can only think of you.

In ways that only a lover should’ve….

The Bluest Eye: A Compendium of Poetry

                                                                  Toni Morrison

                                    Freestyle Poetry

                                        “Beauty”

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What if it wasn’t true?

We could live in a beautiful world where color or race does not exist.

We could be happy.

In the year of 1941, I was a black girl;

I was of color.

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What if it wasn’t true?

We could live in a beautiful world where color or race does not exist.

We could be happy.

Most misunderstand me.

I am mostly disliked by the color of my skin.

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What if it wasn’t true?

We could live in a beautiful world where color or race does not exist.

We could be happy.

I have but one question;

Who are we really to judge a mere child by the color of their skin?

What is the perception of true beauty?

What is the lie?

God created man equally.

So why are people including children of color misperceived as ugly?

They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What if it wasn’t true?

We could live in a beautiful world where color or race does not exist.

We could be happy.

                                                ***

                                                A Tanka

                                        What truly is beau

                                        -ty? And what does it mean pri-

                                        or to the fact that I

                                         am a colored child?

                                                                                                                                                2.

                                    Freestyle Poetry

                                    “She is Black”

A black child is shot almost every three weeks in a month.

The child has a family to go to.

A white supremacist has the gall to take three seconds to pull out his gun,

One second to cock it,

And a second to pull the trigger in a drive by shooting.

She is seven years old and at a birthday party.

She is black.

She will not grow up.

She will not experience life’s ups and its downs.

She could have grown up to be successful.

She could have been somebody; somebody’s wife; somebody’s mother.

She is black.

Who is to blame?

Why is being black or colored, so different from white people?

In a corrupt society, we face racial injustice.

A black woman gets on a bus and gets called “nigger.”

“You shouldn’t be here!” A white man yells.

“Go back home nigger!” A white woman yells.

She is laughed at and is told to go home and get off the bus.

Little does the bus driver know, she is on there to get to her children.

She is single.

She is black.

She cries.

She has to walk now in the rain.

She is not beautiful.

She is not helped.

She is black.

Most women are victimized when they are colored.

For their natural hair or the color of their skin.

That….

Is WRONG.

                                                ***

                                    A Haiku

                        She doesn’t need blue

                        eyes. She is perfect from be

                        -ginning to the end.

                                                                                                                                                3.

                                                            Tanka

                                                “Case Scenario”

So you are black. Em

-brace it. You are beautiful.

You do not need to be white.

Not a white ass sheet.

                                                            ***

                                            A Brief Prose Poem on Beauty

Beauty does not lie in the eye of the beholder. You are beautiful regardless of what you misperceive about yourself and others. Stop trying to be like others. You were made in this world for a reason whether it is to show your strength in your words and in your thoughts.

Beautiful and pretty are modifiers but are only unconcise words. What is ugly to one person is beauty to another. Black is beautiful. Black is what made you. Do not overthink it and just relax. Beautiful and pretty are the lie; the misconception; the judgement that portrays racism and racial injustice to prejudice.

                                                            ***

                                                        A Tanka

                                                   I am beautiful

                                                   No matter how dark the co

                                                   -lor of my skin. Beautiful’s

                                                   a misconception.

                                                         ***

                                                A Haiku

                                    I want to be beau

                                    -tiful. But I already

                                    am. I will love… me.

                                    The Bluest Eye A compendium of Poetry

            All my poems are based explicitly on this book and are about racial injustice and the knowledge that a black woman should accept herself. In these enduring times where Donald Trump was letting violence against our black communities go, and become a trend; I’ve invented case scenarios (well, only one from the news,) for my freestyle poem “She Is Black.” “Beauty” was based on solely the novella. It is about loving yourself and your identity in these times of existential crisis with racism and people of color, and so are some of the haikus and tankas. It focuses on Pecola’s existential crisis on how she was just looking at her doll and the hatred she felt or projected about her skin color. The others just focus on racial injustice over black indigenous people of color in light of Toni Morrison’s novel.

The Wolf

That night, as the clock struck twelve,

He was wild and he was fierce.

Nobody owned him.

He; was like a wolf.

Interesting

I find you interesting….

The way your raven eyes full of galaxies bear into my soul what one should never bequeath.

You know every way how to stare into my soul.

You’re like a puzzle I’d wish to put together.

A mystery I want to solve over and over again.

I find you interesting.

The way you walk and waltz into a room.

The way your dances make me weak to the knees.

The way you look into my eyes as you touch me grating slowly into my soul.

A complicated book full of words I wish to read.

A compendium of notes with words that had never existed.

But O! How I wish to swim in your pitch black midnight eyes.

To see how you see me in them.

Oceanic Eyes

I swim in crystal

blue rivers inside of you

through your onyx eyes.

I Turn To You

The rivers turn to the sea.

The seas turn to the oceans.

As I turn to you,

and your eyes of black galaxies.

Just Breathe

He made her stronger.

He made her feel like she was loved.

It was like swimming in an ocean of crystal blue eyes,

But she needed space to swim to the top to breathe.

Life Update #4

So we are reading seven books for each class which makes a total of fourteen books plus one more for my linguistics class which makes fifteen. I’ve written at least eight papers plus one exam for linguistics and I am taking each class in pride stride mode. I will earn I think an average GPA of 2.7 and the rest is all math….

Three more classes in Spring and I have the chance for a 3.0 average. So, I heard we have a sigma for English and I hope I am not noticed because you have to have an average 3.0 or higher to get noticed. I have nothing against sigmas except for the constant harassments, suicides, bullying, power trips etc. Not that my university has any; I just hope that I am a graduate by next year because if I am not, I’ll have to indicate that I am still an undergraduate when applying for financial aid loans. I hope that the system at my university changes my password too because I think I have been hacked.

So, what is it like being in college? It’s fun! The professors there are kind and understanding when you need an advisor for your program and the assignments are to prep you for a successful future! So, my life is complicated but not as complicated as football and cheerleading in high school. I love this island and I love the university I go to because I enjoy being a University of Guam Triton. I like representing the island and I think that it’s fulfilling. I also hope we develop a doctorate’s degree for the English majors and other majors at the university I go to so I do not have to leave the island.

Wish me luck guys!

Life After Love

I think I’ve met you one time in my life and that was once upon a time which to me was a really long time ago.

You and I have loved eachother long ago.

No; I have not made you up inside my head because there you are as the sun bathes you in his light; his presence as darkness’s presence surrounds you in twilight while you lay sleeping.

The only thing is,

In another life, I think I’ve screwed up.

Now I feel like I’ve waited for you for forever.

And that’s the thing…..

I think I’ve met you in another life before.

You are the other side of me that no one wishes to reveal until you are all of me.

And I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

Forever…..

Swimming Lessons

I could just swim in your black pools for eyes into a generation of sparkling and evolving stars.

Into a galaxy of whole new worlds and differentiated possibilities.

I saw

you.

and I just needed to learn

to swim.

Strange Boy

I looked for you in many people.

The way your eyes shine in the light like deep black trenches; unknown dark rivers I wish to dive in, like midnight skies that I wish to explore..

I looked for you in people’s eyes and prayed that God would put you back in my life.

Like your tousled raven black hair as I imagine my fingers skimming through your scalp of brown hair.

You’re like a river. Calmly fast.

I fall a step back from your eyes.

You become like a wolf as you become a savage with your eyes.

You analyze me with your eyes as you pound between my thighs.

You’re strange and you know how to become the strange moon that hovers above me.

You’re like a song I wish to sing.

Like the moon that shines

and the stars that dance when I’m with you.

Although I’m not so sure that they’re dancing.

They’ve probably disappeared.

The Devil’s Elixirs

That which was the drink of the Gods had fallen with the angels into a fiery pit.
Never again to be drunken but to come back from hellfire to tell of the devil’s hells!
O the haunt of these were the souls of purgatory….
that rot to the teeth from flesh to bone.

O the wicked roam and flesh be tainted.
The wheel of time turns as the clock chimes in the midnight hour.
O how those souls reap from your eyes,
The very liquor that once filled irises with light with a vengeance.
And the ghosts to come out o’er the earth!

Tormented weeping from their flesh as white as death!
And their rotten sweetness as they ensnare the senses.
As death grabs you by your shoulder!
And see! Look not behind you for grotesque the souls that haunt you linger in your abode.
O the gouges!
The mourning of the territory of souls that are damned;
They moan for you!

The ebb and flow as the gouging of their eyes, if you dare to stare into their souls!
I confess I have seen the condemnation!
For they are amongst me in the spirit of the devil’s care!
Begone! And wither within the lighting!
Without! Into thee air!

A Book

You are a book of intense, interesting poetry with the four letters L-O-V-E lying hidden in its contents.

You’re the book of magical words I wish to force into fruition with my imagination and my imagery;

Only to find out more about you and what gems lay hidden in your deep midnight eyes.

Star Wishes

My mother used to tell me,

Love, never wish on stars because your heart will surely break.

Tonite I feel magic in the air.

I feel the stars calling on me; as the moon guides my way.

Shall I tell you a secret?

I wished on one.

I found you.

And there is no one I would rather be with more.

Nothing Less

You….

You are all my seasons. More than anyone can ask for.

You understand that and o how my heart sings and desires to be with you in all my dealings of the heart.

You are all my heart asks for.

Nothing less and nothing more.

Living Young and Wild and Free

I was the girl who didn’t have time for princes and promised forevers.

I was the girl that wanted to ride a motorcycle and get tattoos.

I was the girl who breathed fire and paraded herself by striking fear into the hearts of men.

I dream I am general of a thousand armies of people who were like me.

People who understood me and took me in.

Now, here I am.

I was living young, and wild and free.

I was the kind of girl you’d fight for.

Thinking....

Just thinking of you,

You make my heart melt every time.

Because in my dreams;

I am kissing you.

Only you….

And although you are gone;

I want you to promise me that you’re

mine….

Dreams

Here I am in my thirties now writing about silly, romantic poems in my room on a desk and thinking to myself,

This is not a love story.

I panic but I think of you as you are always in my thoughts, in my words and in my dreams.

My angel, my demon;

my pain, my pride;

my happiness and my sorrow.

I have loved and I have lost

I am still a dreamer and I have yet to follow my dreams.

But I am still stuck thinking that you will still be there in my future;

and still the boy sitting on a church pew;

but gazing at me…..

The Young Girl

I was a young girl who dreamt of far away places.

I was a witch, a scholar, a dreamer and a poet doing tarot readings in my room until I thought of you.

And my future blended very well with yours.

And to get to the point of the subject,

You are my far away place; my subtly sweet escape;

And as I thought about you,

my dreams were made into stars as I wished

that you would stay mine forever.

A Life Update #3

Now that it is Covid-19 time, I would like to say that I am perfectly healthy despite the fact that I had the common cold this Spring. I am almost a graduate with one-hundred, eleven credits and six more classes to go. I have asked the president of the University of Guam in all respectfulness and confidence if we are finally going to have a doctorate program,so hopefully by the year 2022, we shall have that capacity. As of now, I have nine credits and will add an additional nine just to be on the safe side.

I thankfully do not have Covid-19, but I am very aware that I could still catch it. I miss going out without a mask, but I shall have to tolerate it and be respectful and patriotic for my fellow colleagues so they will not get sick. I understand that it hinders our well-being and since there are a lot of disrespectful people who feel they are exempt to wear the mask, I feel that to flatten the spike of Covid-19 is to bring hand sanitizer and wear a mask to prevent sickness.

Guam is opening up slowly as the slope or the curve is steadily going down. (Hopefully!) I’m going to miss having classes without having to awkwardly socially distance myself during hybrid classes since the hybrid classes are somewhat online on the laptop and in class. I guess we will see where this will go knowing that I will have a lot of things due to turn in for three classes, but who knows! The curve may go down more! Prayers!

The Succubus

In a hot sweat;

in blood partially dripping wet;

My gloves on the table of doom I have decided to set.

In the hopes that another would come along;

I secretly shooed them with morbid a song.

I think I’ll wait awhile longer I bet

For another set of young girls; an unholy set.

Another for a young man to pay the debt of which I have not spoken of yet.

I begged with her to come along.

To listen to my mournful song.

A price for the devil as of yet

I suddenly claimed her in a bet.

I made her sing a moaning tune

In her bed at the night of the full moon

And sealed my fate with the devil kissing and caressing me in that room.

I left her in the morning again for a pleasurable gloom and doom.

The Mask

a villanelle, in which the rhyme scheme is ABA ABA ABA ABA ABA ABA

Behind every mask lies a secret,

Behind every secret lies a mask.

My life; a meaningless play from the sort; from the start and it was a play I could not escape from my secrets placed on tarot decks on bet

My past and its inequities and only to include love’s labors had emptied me only to require my escape of past regret

And although I could never cease to exist, In my mind I was a time changer; a liar of sorts if anyone you should ever ask.

So I put on my mask as if for a play and struck every demonic increase of my past that came to me; sexualizing me in human form. If it were you I would definitely let.

I miss you and I love you behind my mask and on this you can bet

I do my daily plays out of task.

And I try to fit you in my play every chance that I can get.

And surprise, you are there on set.

Behind the scenes I wear my mask

And everyday the play is where it’s you I get.

Until I am a ghost to you the closer it seems I get

but if you want me just ask

and it will be me forever that you will not regret.

I could not take off my mask and I hid it with pride hoping my love; that you would heal me; I; a madman alone could be obsessed with the thought that love would save me; feel me; introduce me; come to me….. Back tome and my circus of dialect

Behind every secret lies a mask.

In this play of life my deepest secrets are hidden inside of you and that is all of me you get.

Behind every mask lies a secret.

The Psychopath

Blood dripping down his

knife, he turns to watch and see

who is there. You are.

The Stalker

The lonely stalker

Walks up and down the streets

Tonight he looks for you

The Child In The Woods

a villanelle, in which the rhyme scheme is ABA ABA ABA ABA ABA ABAA

I have loved and I have lost

….and now all is gone.

And as memories resurface, a sea of nothingness rolling by is a shattered dream.

You were never mine and I felt crossed

As I was never yours. I was alone with my thoughts; insanity in the darkness but with sanity at dawn.

And nothing is greater than your first; left like a child in the woods it would seem.

I love you and now I pay the cost

I feel you are a loving con

but it’s you I want forever, it may seem

I have loved and I have lost

it seems yor love was off then on

but only women can dream hoping on your love like a moonbeam.

I have loved and I have lost.

…..and now all is gone.

Nothing but a scattered fragment of some lonely dream.

In my bed I’ve turned and tossed and dreamed of your face as the moon shone with a gleam.

And my heart is seemed had turned to frost

I wait for daylight in your loving sun rayed beam

You’re something I would always get mad at; something I’d never forgive but yet redeem.

Sugar

I love it when you make me wait.

Tease

Me…..

Baby…..

The flame had never died. And how odd that you’d reciprocate the same silliness as of that to me.

Tell me you’d come back to love me again.

To melt with me with your eyes as they rove across my body.

Melt in me….

Let me go thirsty…..

To hunger for the sweet sugary taste of your tongue and most of all your lips as you grimy back and hold my breasts pulling upon the sweat of my body.

Pour your sweet sugar in me.

Make love to me.

My love; with sweet black eyes and a hue of a heart of golden embers that once blazed like a fire for me.

My darling, I cannot help but love you from afar. To look upon you and your smooth Caucasian skin.

Kiss me softly and I will never leave

You….

For I love you with all my heart.

Let me melt in your eyes and let me gently touch and caress your body.

My lover, o lover of mine,

I will love you till the day I die.

Keep loving me….

Sugar...

Nobody

She didn’t really mind walking in the rain on a cool night.

No one would help her.

She was so used to being alone like that.

But she wasn’t

In her imagination….

Because in her mind she had long flowing blond hair although her hair was scraggly and black.

In her mind she had soft white skin and is skinny although she hasn’t much a shape of a body.

In her mind she had a reassuring boyfriend who tells her he loves her almost all the time.

In her mind she had lips that were full with beautiful eyes and a beautiful face like a painting.

Men adored her in her mind and in reality she giggled at the thought because in fact she had nobody.

She was a strong woman and she didn’t need anyone.

She had battled her dragons and she had met death and overcame him.

She never really worried only because she had left her insecurities outside.

She loved no one.

And she’ll never love you.

Religion

She wasn’t Catholic but she knew what magic felt like.

She wasn’t Pagan but she knew what drawn blood felt like.

She wasn’t Christian but she knew what pride and fighting for something felt like.

She wasn’t Wiccan but she knew what falling in love felt like.

She wasn’t Taoist but she knew how to be patient.

She wasn’t into Shintoism but she was always fascinated to learn new things.

She wasn’t into Buddhism, but she knew perseverance.

She wasn’t much into religion; but she knew what heartbreak; rejection and how to feel shunned felt like…..

Until she found a new religion and a new God; life and herself.

Your Touch

You are my heart’s passions.

My heart still aches for you.

I long to be in your arms.

Although you belong to another woman;

Who am I to judge?

But only to long to be in your mind and at that, in your life.

Forever.

To retouch your heart; your mind and my soul.

Return to me.

Once more.

When we touch it is like a friction of a small shock of lightning.

It is like the world is spinning about me so be it.

Because in my mind I am still touching you….

In A Little While

In a little while, when the sun is up and it’s Spring,

I’ll never forget how I had met you and how good of a person you are to me.

I may never forget that certain things like starlight exist in people’s eyes like yours

and that sometimes when twilight fades away your eyes invoke a certain kind of sadness,

I’ll be married to someone else and in the meantime, you will be happier sipping a cup of coffee in a nearby cafe.

Meanwhile I’ll remember why shooting stars really are the way they are; and why they have to fall sometimes.

You may not miss me but while I’m in his arms, I’ll be missing you….

The Torture

Tortured minds are tortured and become broken souls with beating hearts for the eying vultures to feed on your vulnerability.

As a young woman, I knew that there were no such things as saints where I come from….
I regretted my life at the age of four,
Broken my heart at the of five
and tried to take my sorrows into the remission of souls at the age of twenty….
Now I howl at the moon
and I sleep in my bed.
Alone….

She was in love, but no she couldn’t love him; for she was afraid to give him the burden of a broken heart.

I now understood what it meant to hurt and just how unsustainable the human condition could be with a broken heart and a crying soul with a deteriorating mind.

For to be without you and your smiles and subtle glimpses; I cannot survive.​

To Cry

Under the moonlit night with the clouds I stood, stopped and stared. For the first time in my life, I noticed. You hadn’t felt the same. But the night is deadly. It is what it is, poison. It was the heart wrenching pain that you had lied to me, yourself and your heart. And the hardest part was choking back tears of regrets remembering a reminder over the trivial that you refused never to know in time til it broke your soul. You broke my heart. And you left me. To cry.

But baby, you with your eyes made of galaxies shall always have my heart forever.

Silly Boy

Silly boy;

Hasn’t anybody told you

That it is I who wishes to lie in your arms and know what is on your mind always?

The one who wishes to see you laugh like that all the time?

To be the one to make you laugh?

The one to make you reminisce on love?

The one who wants to kiss your soft lips???

For Always

You feel nothing but emptiness inside and all you can do is hide from love.

I ought to take you and to kiss your lips gently; holding you to my soul’s contentment.

You look at me as though upset at the mere moment we had met.

And yet you make love to my soul.

Undressing me with your eyes;

Whilst in your mind I am as naked ; nakedness as you probe me with licks of fire in those eyes.

You look at me as though I’m in your bed.

You fill my cup with your laughter and you light my days with your darling presence.

I love you just as I have loved you forever.

For always.

For always I step outside to wait just for you.

I cannot help but hope you’ll be mine forever.

But you don’t love me…

And you don’t look at me anymore.

No attempt at looking for me because you constantly continue to be inside your feelings for me of the past.

No

You refuse to let go.

You refuse either to tell me you love me or if you did not.

And could it be,

Maybe you really are made of stardust….

And maybe it is I;

looking for always….

Closer

It was the quelling of a fountain pen;

the utterance of a heartbeat that led me to him

I just wanted to be closer.

Closer to the jar of stars that was hidden within him…..

It lay under a sea of hearts where love was almost nearly unrequited.

Your black, onyx eyes are as crystal clear as midnight skies.

I love you and although I know I could never love you again…..

Your memory dares to lie down on me once more.

I see your face as my heart turns into the sea where you left me.

Somehow with your memory, I see you collecting my heart; smiling as stars twinkle in your eyes.

How could you leave me in heartbreak?

Tell me you are still waiting for me….

wishing for me….

wanting me….

just as i want you….

But you are a poet who needs my tragedy for your art.

And here I am floating in a sea of sorrow

waiting,

waiting for you to say you’d want me

Had it been fate? Destiny?

Little do you know, I was waiting for you too….

I adore you….

Please be mine….

Stay….

Closer to me….

Closer this time….

Closer….

Their Eyes

The most boring thing about you is that you are so petrifyingly silent.

But when you’re not you illuminate the room in the most electrifiable way with your eyes.

In most cases, their eyes would compare but I find yours most definitely; on the utmost, most daringly charming.

But how would those electrifying eyes ever dare to even look at me?

To adorn me with their passion in their light?

Dearest Friend,

O how I long to see you again and o just to hold you in my arms and just to tell you what lies in my heart of hearts.

You are wisdom that never tires with age.

You are my peace; my candle burning in the wind within flaming embers that never really burns out.

You are my smile behind my cup of coffee.

My blanket on cold weeks.

My love.

Sword

The lourde is my shepherd, my rock and my sword. I shall not want. Lo though I walk in the valley of death throughout; I shall fear no evil. For hell is my wrath and God surely is my

sword….

The Forsaken

God will not forsake

anyone and everyone.

He does not forget.

Pain & Suffering

Your grace in your eyes holds me in the light.

Lo and behold I shall never tremble at the sight of my God.

I will face God and show him my sins and I will take his sword and guard my heart and what is left of my soul to conceal all his doubt; his secrets; his pain.

O my God, I will relieve you of your sufferings and carry forth your burden.

Sword-Teth

It was unhealthy to kiss him.

His immaculate grace with clear blue eyes;

as I put my lips to my mouth to put my hands on his immaculate feet.

To feel Mary’s children.

As I gazed up at the cross, his immediate mercy shines upon me at such a cruel distance.

Jesus nods his head to look at his children who had betrayed him.

As he looks me in the eyes and tells me;

I am your savior; your rock and your shield.

And you; one….

are my sword.

Somewhere

In my mind you are still there at the pew.

Your love of our God….

Frustrated

He was so frustrated that Sunday morning.

Something I could never hold.

He is pure.

Pure virgin.

I wanted to see him but saw that I could not.

I loved him so.

I loved how the light

cherished him in his graces.

He’s still beautiful.

Eyes Like Midnight

Your eyes are an electrifying lightning hue of starlit midnight waters.

I long to hold you as there is pain in the deepest part of your eyes that touch your heart.

Like a winter song in the Autumn breeze that caresses my soul in broad daylight.

Your silhouette of bodily shapes that are of an angel’s chiseled features with your blue eyes, subtle heart and strong jawline curved into your face.

You’re someone I could write poetry about and place you chiseled as a statue where the shadows hold you with your silhouette as you lie against but so very far away from the sun.

Your creamy skin and your lovely smile are beautiful to behold and your eyes the most crystal clear blues I could ever write about.

Your lips are the kissable type. I love how everything is about you although you’re very dangerous to be with and yet very dangerous to be without.

You love coffee and have a fallen angel’s wings.

I love the color of your hair.

I wanted to comfort you that day and o how these precious; most foolish things remind me of you.

You’re the type of person who I can actually have and hold a meaningful conversation with mostly about the deeper debates in philosophy and your mind is open like thee intelligence of one of the most wisest people I’ve ever read about.

But no, you are controversial to my looks and yet you still remind me of the day I met you with subtle Sunday mornings.

You’re beautiful and your eyes are like midnight skies.

And I only have eyes for you.

The Soulmate

He had the color

Of onyx eyes

Now I turn to black galaxies before darkness was invented;

In black, pitch dark eyes which consume me as I fade into you.

He was beautiful, so beautiful I felt my heart give a leap.

His smile was so warm.

But now I return to the cold where my heart was almost kept near.

But there you are.

With black, pitch dark eyes.

Beautiful

He was beautiful,

the most beautiful person

alive but he was not for me.

He was a wolf.

And he would never love me.

because I could not be the one

to save himself.

I was not chosen

and he could not accept me

because he couldn’t.

I could not love him

Because it was too

late to ever be with him.

because he did not seem to

Reciprocate love.

The Day After

The day after, my boyfriend and my best friend from New York died.

Pato, I miss your laughter and your protection.

John, I miss your smile and the way you comforted me at night with the warmth of your body.

Arthur, I will never forget the way you used to love me and the way you disappeared.

The way you came back to love me and the way you smelled like Christmas in the morning….

1984 Vs The Day After

His eyes were as dark as the galaxies and in his darkness I found my soulmate.

They were the galaxies I wanted to explore. The galaxies I wanted to melt in.

O the things I wanted to do with him and the th in the we could have done.

And the things I had wanted to do.

I wanted to melt in him.

And o how I loved him.

I loved him.

But he couldn’t love me back….

Gone

I used to think I would be in your mind all the time but you left me.

Without You

Without you my life falls apart and I can’t seem to get you off of my mind.

I go crazy when you’re gone and it’s ridiculous how every time I think of you, I completely melt and I fall apart thinking you’re not with me.

I miss you highly and you will always be far away from me.

My life is like some boring play while you’re still dancing in my mind. Living life. With me.

I feel unhappy without you and I feel like being alone because I’m the one that wanted you here with me.

So fuck God.

Fuck Jesus.

A big fuck you to me.

And fuck everything I’ve ever believed in because I believed in you.

Fragments

To be a fragment of your heart….

To melt in the dark midnight waters that are your eyes;

That is what I wish.

To cure your fragmented heart.

To love you.

Sunday Before Mass

I’ve never gotten close to touching you.

O how I long to touch your face and love your body.

You were the only thing that looked normal in a church full of ignorance; hypocrites; other sinners who didn’t know….

how

to

Stop sinning.

The only innocent thing that was there.

Angry.

and tired.

O how I wanted to touch you with these sinning hands.

To hold you and tell you all’s alright and everything’s going to be okay.

Church Pews

When your eyes meet mine I can feel the warmth of the sun as the world moves under my feet.

Your sapphire blue eyes are crystal clear and they lead me to different places in my heart and your soul defies gravity as your inner child leaves your heart’s consequences of early pubescence as it takes a grip on you.

How dare you beg me to sin and look back at you when you know that I can absolutely not!

You are my favorite person and my color of lightning as you strike me again and again.

You have this ability to make me sin and I am so tempted to look back to see if you are there in between church pews.

But you are not.

I have to admit, I do miss you and I have loved you since we met.

Colors Part 2

And if I never see you again;
your silhouette against the sunlight’s image.
Pray that I become your shadow to protect you in the darkness.
So if you should fall
and I catch you….
Darkness and my soul you shall become.
You are my dreams in darkness and I dream that your blue eyes are searching for something beautiful when there are so many beautiful disasters coming into something terribly beautiful in the shaft of the shadows of nightfall in your nightmares.
So terrible against the light but yet so beautiful in the light.
Sometimes darling the lights have to go out when it gets near dark such as death and til death do us part as the light turns into colors you do not know of.
Colors you cannot recognize beyond dreams that frighten you.
Why do your dreams frighten you to fall in love?
And then you see me because the feeling seemed so obscure.
And that is what we call infatuation. That is what we call love.
And you love me.

To You

His onyx eyes hid the torment of his heart.

If I could kiss those eyes maybe he would know that I appreciate his smiles and his enthusiasm….

Because he really, truly is beautiful.

He holds himself with confidence amidst his fear and yes he really does have eyes of sapphire,and I absolutely love the way he could hold someone in them.

Know that you are appreciated and loved and that you have a great good and heavy heart.

Know that you are loved by me.

Baby I....,

My dearest baby kitty,

You may not have matted brown hair or sapphire eyes but Baby I….,

Love

You

Anyway.

Annabel

As the war went on, he traveled into the wilderness and as the sun had risen to claim his mortal soul, he thought of her as he died slowly.

“Annabel! Anne!” he was walking alongside on the train tracks and he was trying to strike up a conversation.

“You know?! I’m going in the army?!”

She was walking in between the train tracks. The smell of moss in the air.

“You’re being drafted!” she spat.

“Well, why are you so angry at me?!” He yelled.

The train was coming through the forest on the train tracks.

Annabel ran out of its way to the other side rather quickly.

“Because I love you!” She cried.

But he couldn’t hear her through the roaring of the train.

And if that moment could’ve been seized in a moment’s time. She would’ve changed it and she would’ve lived it all over again.

They were friends for a moment as far as he could remember. And for a moment they were in love.

He was looking at her as she got dressed in the house across hers.

And she was beautiful. It was the last day he saw her.

She loved him, but he never knew.

As words were left unexchanged, he packed his bags and left.

As the war went on, he traveled into the wilderness and as the sun had risen to claim his mortal soul, he thought of her as he died slowly.

Swimming

I dream of swimming through your crystal clear watery dark eyes.

I dream of swimming in you in different colors.

Where your heart is my home….

So willing but yet so uncertain….

You think of me in shades of colors I cannot describe….

You think of me in shades of love….

or…. something that reminds you of love.

as the foggy mist lifts the ground in your eyesight; or perhaps your memories of me….

Through dark watery eyes.

Here I am…. swimming….

Alone without your love…..

Your tender sighs….

Within dark watery eyes…..

Charting thee unknown.

Say It

I will always love you and I don’t

intend

on

stopping.

Say I do and I will cherish you every moment like I always have.

Say I love you because you always keep me coming back to hear you say it.

Say it.

Won’t you?

Tell me they you love me.

Tell me Baby.

Say it.

The Shadow of Your Smile

I will never forget the nature of his smile or the way he subtly kissed my lips…

A Kiss To Build A Dream On

Before he had left, he gave me a kiss to build a dream on but we know dreams can never come true.

Redemption

They were at the peak of their lives.

Her brother’s ship was ready to set sail.

“When will I see you again?” He had asked.

He kept kissing her.

“One day when you and I come home together.”

“Then we will never be apart.” He finished.

He kissed her again as he boarded the ship as she stared down at the waters; tears rolled down her face.

“We will meet again.” She silently said.

The kiss lasted for twenty-thousand million years later.

***

Josh Hokum was escaping out of prison and the darkness was upon him.

He was climbing over the walls of Jersey Shore and found himself staring off into the wild.

He was good at swimming. After all, that was where it all started.

As he had swum, he remembered one thing in his mind. Get back safely to shore.

He dived in confident that he would make it but he saw a navy ship coming and nearly drowned.

They were on a mission and they were very sick.

Josh Hokum was hungry. He was hungry for blood.

Ripping apart their necks; blood in his mouth, he bit them and drank till the last drop and jumped out of the ship and swam ashore.

He knew his hunger wouldn’t last.

***

Certz woke up to find the barracks were empty. She was a witch with many past lives. Lives she dreamt about with one ending.

Death.

At one time she was a cowgirl in the Midwest who migrated to America from Italy. At one time, a Native American. At one time, a nun who had joined the military on a bus, but with the same face that was Josh Hokum’s.

She was haunted by many things but she was scared of the ocean for some reason.

For every life, the same warnings as though someone were to have killed her by them.

Every night the same people appeared.

Every day another warning.

Beware Cymbeline.

Her best friends Garett and Kimmy had disappeared.

Certz kept thinking that she was killing them because of the blood on her hands.

That’s what got her into the asylum.

She needed to kill them.

She had visions that she was flying and that God had given her wings.

Of course they thought she was crazy, but Josh Hokum didn’t.

Every night the same comfort from Josh.

Until one night, he stopped coming.

Josh Hokum had joined the military and so it happened. He had met up with Certz.

The fires in him raged.

Little did he know they’d meet up again once she had packed her bags and came home.

Where they would be together.

Forever.

Now the way to happiness was a long one. But Certz and Hokum were willing to wait.

Tale of The Tombs

The warmth and the sunlight of your sweet kisses and caresses are the birther to my darkness.

Where night, follows throughout; making me as your moon shine brightest.

Where tombs and an empty shaft of sunlight shall follow is where I reside for underneath the tomb of a shimmering glare of light shows my darkness.

You are the lion and I the lamb for where thou art,

you are the one who takes you into my arms like some lost kitten starving for blood.

As my blood drips down your cheek to your throat I submissively kiss you as you struggle for me to get off your lips….

but who wouldn’t want the mere taste of death and cherry wine that froths from your loving mouth as you swim through the crevices of my darkness; blazing like the sunlight that kisses the moon once every year.

O how tables turn and once again I am the bloodthirsty sacrifice of your heart and your soul.

The kisses of the light of the ocean brings my sorrowful soul up to kiss the moon.

Only to drag you down to the darkest tomb I know of…..

THE SEA.

Yes my love the darkest place I know of;

the ocean of my heart.

Stardust

The stars are out tonight with your subtle caress as stardust wisps the linings of your features.

The sun is sparkling in your eyes like a glowing ember.

You are my candle, let me light your fire;

The fires of your soul brings magic to my life.

My darling, I have never stopped believing in magic until I met you.

Such a beauty that moonbeams light my way through darkness;

upholding you to me.

O how I yearn to feel sunlight in your kisses.

Their warmth is making me numb with pleasure as you hold me in your arms.

Dominator

I want to dominate you.

I wanna touch every inch of your skin.

I want to know what bothers you inside and out.

I want our passion intertwined within each other and our bodies pulsating with the same heat.

I want to torture your soul with my flesh as you endlessly fuck me;

To torture your soul as my lips lick yours and my tongue gently caresses yours to your heart throbbing fuck.

I want you and I want all of you.

I want to hear you groaning with passion….

As I….

Groan within your ear.

Missing You

I am missing every touch on your skin and I hope you can still taste me or sense my presence….

Feel my heartbeat,

Feel the touch of my skin as my hair drapes over you.

Your hair like silk,

Your fuck pulsating through my body; the heat rising up.

You holding my body as my fingers plunge into you at your skin.

Your body rocking its slow motions in my mind…..

Take Me Back

O back in the days when we were innocent and had no care for people’s personal lives.

O take me back, take me back.

To where the skies were forever blue with butterflies and white paper castles in the sky.

Where I’d lay in your arms at a nearby beach when the sun was up and when the moon awoke to kiss the ocean’s seas.

O take me back, take me back.

O back in the days when we were innocent and had no care for people’s personal lives.

To where meadows of green grass kissed the skies and to where the cliffs kissed the shores.

Where there was nothing you wanted more than me and you with my arms around your chest and my hands around your neck.

O back in the days when we were innocent and had no care for people’s personal lives.

O take me back, take me back.

To where nothing really mattered but just you and I and when no one else had to interfere with our time and our lives.

Where it was just us two and no one elsewhere seemed to matter to us and where no one else seemed to care about who we were and where we went.

O take me back, take me back.

O back in the days when we were innocent and had no care for people’s personal lives.

Innocence

To resist when frail innocence arrives

and goes into perdition is true purity that is crucified and tested.

For negativity came to calcify the cross and leave it smoldering like a lit but burning candle.

Your love as it grows is like an ocean of flowers waiting to be harnessed.

My love you are like a fruit.

You are like a fruit that is sweet.

The fruit and the scent that betrays your innocence and the warmth of the sun that betrays your inner child.

Your tender eyes and subtle glimpses;

They betray you knowing that you have only eyes for me in your lustful imagination to your dreams.

My love, tell me you only have eyes for me again as your body pulses against mine

For you make me laugh, smile and appreciate life.

to...,

My Dearest Tinkle-Tush,

Words cannot seem to express how you make me smile and how you will always stay the sweetest person in my life. In my heart forever, you are my light. And you make sure every time is a time for myself and for you love, you are the light in my eyes and the paradigm to the paradox that has left me upset with your love. Your eyes are everything I have never seen and in your eyes; you will find me in the scattered pieces of your heart and I will wish to seal your soul and make sure your heart is whole. To make a home for you and I; and your heart, a precious jewel once more. Say you love me and I do. Or, have me waiting forever to hear you say it.

Galaxies

There are stars in my eyes when I look at you.

There is nothing that can keep us apart because in my mind, you are still holding me.

While you’re kissing me you make me feel magical.

Keep loving me.

For forever….

Your eyes are like the sun that gives light to the moon at night to let her shine.

You are my sun and I am your moon.

In me you see stardust, while they make up little galaxies in your sweet eyes.

You’re always in my dreams and my soul which includes my heart.

“I Do”

You made the moon come up and you let the stars show in the night sky.

You told me I was your favorite pattern.

I was only your favorite pattern after you broke my heart.

You said I was your favorite star.

I fell too hard and I was too soft for you to catch or too big for you to wish for.

And you were too busy to watch me fall.

You said you loved my smile.

You were the one who washed it away.

Then, all of a sudden you left.

Without a word only to make your mind forget and your heart happy.

I could barely breathe.

When I saw you.

With her.

God knows,

I would’ve packed
my bags and traveled
the whole world twice.
Just to hear you say you love me….

And here’s to you who found a way.

Come back to me this time, tell me you love me and say “I do.”

All Yours

I used to dream.

I used to dream of you in colors that never existed and you were too busy to notice that I had a soft heart for you.

Only you.

You were like electric lightning.

The kind of electricity I was shocked by.

And you came to me like lightning from a clear blue sky.

In colors I could never describe you as.

I used to love.

I used to love you.

I knew deep down in my heart you’d want me to unwillingly succumb to you.

But now I’m numb because I did and baby, I don’t know how to get you alone or get it to you that I’m all yours.

Colors

How could you end
up hating yourself
and hurting the one
who loves you
when there’s so much to love
about yourself?

Especially when
there are some people
dream of you in
colors that never existed?

You know thunder
only happens when it’s
raining;
And plus, it must’ve
been that tingling
in your bones
and that palpitated
emptiness that you knew was gone until
you felt free.

But you’ve forgotten that.

Haven’t you?

Well baby, only when you’re yourself is when anything happens and those colors that exist start to show.

When they laugh at your true colors, give them a real reason for them to get gone and leave.

Make them regret why they’ve ever smiled at you.

Darkness

There was fire in his eyes.

The sun silhouettes on your sleepy face.

I try not to wake you as you pull me back to bed.

Your soul is still surrounded by darkness and darkness we became.

Under your smoldering eyes until the candle burns out.

Your Eyes....

Dear Love,
Your eyes are bright when they see me and the sound of your voice nourishes my soul.

And O, just to hear from you is as satisfying to my soul and also to my heart.

Believe me when I say I love you because your eyes are like both the sun and the moon.

Like ice on snow and especially once in a blue moon, a green, grassy knoll with running blue water.

My electricity when all lights go out and my moon that shines in the night when there are no stars to guide me.

I will wait for you to say “I do.”

But I will wait for you to say you love me….

probably forever.

The Long Goodbye

I have lived through pain and sorrow

And I cannot afford to be sorry.

But I, after all am still queen.

And I fight dragons.

They lurk in the deepest part of my gut and painfully,

I choke teardrops back

But the dragons; those demons cause me sadness.

And sometimes the one you thought you were meant for; meant to be with all your life;

Cannot kiss them away

But can only kiss you

Goodbye….

But that was just a dream wasn’t it?

If you ever believed;

If you ever did see;

A future for us.

You have probably with all due respect been mistaken.

The Girl

She was the girl raised by monsters, and she; their healer….. In an imperfect world full of all of them.

She was soon feared by them for she had demanded blood from her victims.

And fiercely she would fight because she knew she could. For she was a goddess making love to a God.

Once

a villanelle, in which the rhyme scheme is ABA ABA ABA ABA ABA ABAA

We were once Gods, you and I.

Reincarnated by fallen angels that bled and plunged into our intoxicated deaths into the seas of darkness.

Our plights were unspoken of as we danced into the realms of the deep dark sea where we found our souls into our little Atlantis.

We lived once amongst land, sea and stars and when we were star-crossed we although to eachother at most times were never shy.

I could love you forever and more but never less.

And by the drink of wine, I hungered long before for your kiss.

I sleep now where you lie.

Taken by your love and the warmth of my heart glows from the deepest and darkest depths of the seas as the seasons change come daylight to the dark of the Loch Ness .

To the depths of the trench we go to for its own light cannot shine so to death keep us apart to never in this.

We were immortal instruments that could not die.

You were in a black leather jacket with a white shirt, boots and jeans and I in white high heels with my hair up in a lacy dress.

To die in your rebel arms and free heart I wish to dive into and die in bliss.

Your songs with your voice makes me fly.

I want your body close to mine and I need to have your stroking caress.

You are the kind of God I worship; there’s nothing that could keep me from this.

We were once Gods you and I.

Reincarnated by fallen angels that bled and plunged into our intoxicated deaths into the seas of darkness

Now make love in such good, sweet bliss. Within every sigh and tender kiss as they soar and fly

As stars fall out into stardust to die into our sacred bliss to die.

Always....

Dedicated to Michaela and Josh including Gugin. Thank you for coloring up my life and also for saving it….

***

We were so young.

What were we thinking to take such things for granted as of the innocent beauty of youth?

Who were we to grow up and forget?

Did we forget who we were for fuck’s sake?

We were the dreamers only to become the greatest pretenders of all,

We were dreamers living in a fairytale believable to think humanity’s story would take place on our sides.

Always….

We didn’t have a care in the world and life was rainbows over mountains with butterflies, stars behind us with no absolutes.

No meaning.

But they mean something now.

It was the birds and the bees then flowers and trees blossoming into a rare fruit.

We are now the grandest most greatest pretenders and we loved each other. Even after all these years, becoming who we are today.

Always….

A lover and best friend.

Tarot Card of The Month - June 2020

Seven of Swords, 4 of Pentacles, 5 of Cups, The world

Using an oracle and tarot deck….

Seven of swords indicates that you are being looked at through different lenses. It is almost like everyone knows you and your next move. There are many enemies before you so you are taking constant vigilance. From April, you are keeping certain secrets from your friends. Just as many of your friends are keeping secrets from you too, and it has to deal with your love life and the life of your lover’s.

Four of Pentacles asserts that the secret life of yourself and your lover’s is ready to resurface. Everything is fine at home so do not turn away from everything that you are trying to move on to. Do not let your worries spoil your dreams or your hushed relationships. You may seem depressed because of the secrets your friends are keeping but keep going on.

Five of Cups indicates that there are many rumors afoot and that you are just not going to have that bullshit in your life. It may be about your past or someone you love’s past life. But this time it is about you and your decisions in life and in love.

The world indicates that everything you want this month is coming up to a bigger and greater plan. So at the end of the month whoever you have pushed away will not need to compromise with you or even bother you this month and for the rest of your life. Whoever you push away is your decision. Who you want in your life, in other words, What you need in your life will shortly appear in your love life and in your family and your relationships and friendships. What the universe is trying to say is that you must let go of your guilt and your self-forgiveness will show and become the attractive side of you. It also says to break free of what people are saying and forgive yourself for believing them.

Tarot Reading of The Month - May 2020

8 of Cups, 6 of Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles, The Hanged Man

Using an oracle and tarot deck

Eight cups in May means you will be falling madly in love with this friend from last month and things will be even and everything will be alright and ready to go. You are almost bound for the binding of a new romance but there is a rocky way through the waters ahead judging by the card reading at the beginning of the month. it is something about them that may benefit you in the future, but it may also bring rocky circumstances.

Six pentacles indicates that the world and the universe; life in you current state as we know it is almost complete. Six pentacles indicates the nourishment of hard times ahead and the rocky clutteredness of your confines. You may be going through a rough time with your friends when trying to exploit information or clues abut the person you are madly in love with or looking for. Your friends will probably be women who think they know what’s good for you when it is in private, vital for you to know about this person.

The queen of pentacles indicates a mysterious woman who shall appear to you this month with bad news in finance is coming, but do not despair for she is also there to guide you and to help you. She has been trying to get a hold of you, or it could be another friend who will mislead from your track and give you information about the woman you are looking for. If you are a female and in search of love, do not proceed which you will do to tell anybody else about your lover, because another woman may come to you and trick you or lie to you about your love life.

The Hanged Man may cause you some trouble because of something you have said or failed to do. Somebody is lying to you and soon what may happen to them may become pandemonium and panic to you. Of course, your close friend may be your relative and you two might get into big trouble by the end of the month. What the universe is trying to say in this year, 2020 of April is that sometimes breaking free of patterns, beliefs and routines is a good thing this month for the sake of your health and to maintain healthy relationships. At the end of the month, expect a miracle to happen in May.

Tarot Reading of The Month - April 2020

Two of Cups; The Empress, The Lovers; Ten of Wands

Using an oracle and tarot deck….

Two of cups indicates that an old friend may be getting some news so, (old friends unite) from a past lover you will be experiencing many surprises along the way and learn something about your lover that you’ve never expected. It is through their lens or experiences along the way. So do not be surprised if an old friend from the opposite sex decides to come along and fall in love with, congratulate or talk to you. It is someone from your past who is giving you good news in the first to second week.

The Empress indicates a beautiful, charming young woman, possibly a mother or giving birth to a child as the good news; aged 18-29. She brings fertility or birth to a new relationship or situation that you have never gone over or gone through before in the second week of the month. You will feel an instant attraction to her and you may want to get married. she is the childhood friend that embodies all the things you need to understand and gives all the answers to your questions.

The Lovers indicates a communion of souls; news of a wedding in the third week and or a choice you shall have to make between the childhood friend and your lover. If you are single, it represents that your soulmate is currently trying to contact you during this time of need. It is a transition of time racing against the universe. What the universe is trying to say is that your prayers and questions are being answered by synchronistic events. Notice them to increase your flow. Therefore, try to reduce to the simplicity of the little things in life by eliminating the big things in life to kind of sort out your scales to find balance.

Ten of wands indicates that you will be summing up your priorities for this person by the end of the month for this special childhood friend. So, when it all seems too much for you, your childhood friend will be the one to compensate for everything and you will have everything you need to know about on who to run to whether it be your lover or your friend from the past by the end of the week.

The End Of The Witch-hunt

“Woah! What’s up with her vibe?”

“Her name’s Meagan. They say she’s the sex but she’s actually really evil inside and out!”

My name is Meagan Holden Walker. Madly in love with Josh Hokum. I had a way of knowing shit. The bad shit. And everyone who dared piss me off or got in my way got “the mouth.”

I am a witch who uses different tarot decks. Now, they don’t tell me everything because right now, I just know.

Josh came up to me. My eyes softened and then got as cold as ice the moment he walked up to me while I was sitting down minding my own business with little glimpses of Josh.

“Why do you say bad stuff to people freak? And why are you so fucking quiet?” He asked.

Josh Hokum and I used to be best friends ever since pre-k.

We grew apart.

“I say the truth about people Hokum. Just never to their faces.”

He looked stunning in his Air Force outfit.

But I hated his boots. They reminded me of my father’s.

“Well why so quiet Meggie?” His voice softened. He looked confused.

I sighed.

“Because sometimes when we hurt people who we don’t like, we end up not thinking and hurting the ones we love. I hate talking because I have a habit of telling the truth and I’m sorry to say but sometimes the truth hurts.”

“When Meggie did you get so unpopular?”

I looked away.

He shook me.

“When?”

“Do you know that when you keep loving people, they isolate you and betray you? Sometimes you have to keep loving people and they’ll reciprocate that love back. Well life is not like that sometimes and people just don’t care. I was a loving person back then but now I’m cold just as cold as this room.”

I sniffled and Josh Hokum just held me.