Gentle

He breaks my heart to tear it apart,

but I know I’ll miss him….

Almost everyday of the week;

and on Mondays.

On golden afternoons.

Knowing I could never kiss his lips,

or feel up his smooth hair round his scalp.

I will never know what sweet kisses like his feel like;

or what his arms wrapped around my waist would be like melted around my waist and the feel of his warmth wrapped around my body in the smooth chisels of per say, his body.

I would like to kiss him.

he looks kissable and I want him.

He looks subtle; gentle and I like it.

The way he feels so Goddamned fucking gentle.

Be safe love. 

As long as I know you’re going to be alive and live long enough to see the days progress.

But unalike and loved for what you do for others; for society.

Come back home safely.

If they can’t love you;

They’re just jealous.

Swallowed Heart

I saw him but I didn’t know him.

But he knew me.

But when I looked to see him again,

He swallowed my heart

And he left me

As I woke up in a cold sweat;

In my lonely room….

As the birds outside my window left my room

 

Gervaise

I didn’t know whether to start laughing or crying.
I was angry, frustrated, repulsed, confused and at the same time obnoxiously sad.
What was a family was no longer.
What is a family without people who actually gave a shit about you?
What is a relationship without the fruit of all that relies on love?
What is friendship without the sacrifice of being there?
As is to a relationship, where are the very culprits and feelings that embody one?
As we go on suffering; you find there is no light ate the end of your tunnel filled hope.
Hope makes you worsen the chances of life’s upbringing.
Love is the fiend that usurps us of any advantage whatsoever.
Care? Who bloody well gives a damn?
It is a never-ending façade of decades of hell.
It seems like abandonment the care that one was reckless.
Like a road you trample, walk over and spit upon.
Remorse….
No one to save you.
No shining light to find you.
You fall.
And then it hits you very hard.
No one was there except your fear of the unknown.
The only feeling left….
truth….
who will love you? who will not?
I was like a warden of my own jail.
A prisoner of my own cell.
And thus as far, as I have learned;
It is better to have sobbed silently and softly;
than to not sob at all and say you did not feel.
A perforation in the heart;
A perversion of the soul;
A betrayal from your neighbor\\\’s backyard;
Your infinity plussed by someone else;
The matter of your doubt fulfilled;
The shattering
of
a
heart.

Missing

We may have missed each other in another life

And I think we knew it.

But I may have missed you

and if that isn’t the tragic thing about death it’s losing you….

but you see, losing you just was not worth it.

But the saddest truths lie in the past

And we keep missing.

 

Still

He’s jealous of the way I put my cigarette in my mouth,

And then he gets jealous of the way I put up the decorations lightly in his house.

I do believe he gets jealous of the way I wear my clothes on about everyday and how badly he’d like to become my clothes and how they suit me.

He gets jealous of the way I dance with other men at parties and he loves how I laugh whenever I see him.

I do believe though on some nights he’d still rather be with me alone and that he could recall me;

Still smiling at him when he is underneath a parade of stars and that I am still there cheering on him with them.

The Reason I Fight

“Do you?”

He asked.

“Do you see me?”

“Yes.”

As I thought to myself. I told myself.

This is the reason why you fight wars. Him. He is the reason the war must be won. He is the one I will fight my battles for because he fights for me and he was the strongest warrior….

The Tsunami

My love you are the calm after the storm.

I cannot help but love you

but not as I love him.

I had to darling

Because without him

it felt empty.

He is the one I wanna wake up to.

Darling, you are my hurricane,

But he is the tsunami.

***

as I drown deeper into your waters

I am consumed with the words

“Do you want me”

And I will always reply

“Yes my love. I will still want you.”

As I take my last gulp of air.

Forcefully,

But

Willingly

Hurricanes and Storms

Your love blew like the strongest wind

Only to create the perfect storm.

But my greatest perhaps was him.

And

I

cannot

live

without

him

But little did I know

You created

A hurricane

The Reason

You are like my pulse.

You are the main artery to my bloodstream

The very reason I breathe.

You are the reason a million stars come out at night.

The very reason that they sparkle in the night sky.

You are the reason why I wake up to the sunlight in my face

The very reason why the breeze I feel during the days are so full of the strong wind that caresses my face.

You are my reason to live.

The reason why I get out of the hospital okay.

You’re the reason I have found a way to live my life.

You.

I want to breathe your hair like you’re my religion.

To keep kissing you like a slave kissing a God.

The Whore Part 2

My heart was falling apart as I was falling faster

I felt like I was on some cliff

Like life was on the verge of ripping my body in two.

I felt my heart pulsing.

A race against time

And heartache was my only master as I kept falling and tripping, tripping and falling

My hand dizzily waiting to get to yours

I was too late when I got to the end of the last line

I found the whore

Only to find out he was making love

To you

In my apartment.

On my bed.

But the truth only then is….

Who is the whore?

You or

I?

Advice On The Side To Get By

Life goes on and you should never mistake another person’s happiness for your own or let yourself die because someone else is happier. Making sacrifices is what life is about. What makes people afraid to step up is that they don’t know the true meaning of happiness or cruelty. I mean sacrifice your face to save your nose or sacrifice your nose to save your face. Well no one is first. All those firsts you’ve thought about someone or something like everyone else had already done them….Make priorities and get them straight. Don’t fucking twist them. Good people do not make promises and break them just because. You can never have a soulmate. You can have a spirit animal but not a soulmate. Because you already have a soul. A human being is a human being only when his reactions, response, responsibilities and actions are given the merit of human characteristics. A man’s inability to act on his own makes him incompetent and his inability to cope with the circumstances of what he did wrong makes him a complete coward and a failure to society. A human being doesn’t have circumstances meaning that in human nature they have to have credibility for what they’ve done to others whether they’re traitors, murderers, racist or evil. In other words you are what you make of yourself so make good choices.

The Whore

How can I love such a man when he is an angel of the darkness???….

A creature of the night????

Some reptilian whore?

A beast????

When he is too busy in time fucking me?

But I do love him but he is a man on fire.

Bella Mia

He gets romantic in front of me but not with other girls

In fact

He thinks I’m the most beautiful girl in the world and I cannot fathom what life would be like without him.

He calls me “beautiful girl” in Italian and he plays the violin to my heart passionately….

I tell him truly that he is my darling and he calls my name out in his sleep when I am not able to make it to him.

I love it when he calls me beautiful because he’s the only person who can make me feel like I am.

I love it when he calls me “Bella Mia.”

My only one, tell me you’ll love me.

Forever

Senses Working Overtime

You taste like tea; you smell like coffee and you and I think of each other on long rainy days.

When you’re not too busy you love being happy and you’re always dancing when it rains.

Your favorite colors are the color of my eyes because you believe in symbolism of the color of green leaves and blue skies.

Your laughter sounds like bubbles if that is how laughter looks.

Your voice is like music.

You are my muse and you make me weak.

I shiver when you touch me

At You

I like how the sun tints your black hair red.

The way you speak truth into being.

Your premonition of life encases so much to look at,

But your imagination runs wild.

You never mean to be politically correct and yet you never mean to be incorrect.

I like the way you kiss me and your smile makes me wanna keep kissing…..

You.

I love mostly your amber eyes.

Deep pools of dark brown hovering over me against the sun and the light of your heart beside my darkness.

You’re an innocent soul and I needn’t say more.

Moreover, don’t let me go.

Don’t let me steal your heart for I am waiting for you to steal mine…..

Eternally Searching

I’m stuck here and I’ve almost erased a whole bunch of names on this blog.

I almost erased them all because they are lost in my sea of hearts

But also because you; you are the one person that I’d write to.

The person I could feel good about and it is this;

I’m in love with you.

Would you tell me you will love me back?

I keep thinking that I will see you again.

Someday or be doomed to eternity to go on searching….

Eternally searching.