Gervaise

I didn’t know whether to start laughing or crying.
I was angry, frustrated, repulsed, confused and at the same time obnoxiously sad.
What was a family was no longer.
What is a family without people who actually gave a shit about you?
What is a relationship without the fruit of all that relies on love?
What is friendship without the sacrifice of being there?
As is to a relationship, where are the very culprits and feelings that embody one?
As we go on suffering; you find there is no light ate the end of your tunnel filled hope.
Hope makes you worsen the chances of life’s upbringing.
Love is the fiend that usurps us of any advantage whatsoever.
Care? Who bloody well gives a damn?
It is a never-ending façade of decades of hell.
It seems like abandonment the care that one was reckless.
Like a road you trample, walk over and spit upon.
Remorse….
No one to save you.
No shining light to find you.
You fall.
And then it hits you very hard.
No one was there except your fear of the unknown.
The only feeling left….
truth….
who will love you? who will not?
I was like a warden of my own jail.
A prisoner of my own cell.
And thus as far, as I have learned;
It is better to have sobbed silently and softly;
than to not sob at all and say you did not feel.
A perforation in the heart;
A perversion of the soul;
A betrayal from your neighbor\\\’s backyard;
Your infinity plussed by someone else;
The matter of your doubt fulfilled;
The shattering
of
a
heart.