The Paper Dream

I’d need no introduction to a dedication because if you knew me like I knew you then you’d know that it was you and that I am only chasing paper dreams;

and that I was just a woman chasing red balloons and making paper castles in the sky.

I am a hopeless dreamer with a strange love of poetry….

And you know I’d have loved you and only you for all these years.

I had waited for you long enough to tell you that I love you so much and that you mean the whole goddamned world to me; that you are more precious than anything else in it.

I want you near me all the time….

Closer….

Close to me; our bodies generating heat.

I want to take you to places where I am bound to go.

I want to give you the world.

At least the view.

I want to show you places and I want to travel with you wherever I go to keep you near me.

So yes honey….

I wish to be with you and you only.

To get out of here.

Away from war; poverty and filthiness of this earth and its inhabitants;

these parasites….

but my love;

It is just a paper dream….

Happy New Year baby.

A Christmas Tragedy

I love you.

Merry Christmas.

You know I need tragedies for my art.

Alone

You are not alone

You are with me when all is

empty and forlorn.

Until I am the only

one who is standing right now.

The Whore Part 2

What’s a life when I’d rather be kissing you than him?

I suppose I’ll go on wondering what time we could’ve spent together instead of wasting time with some guy who kisses other women but me.

Like a tragic fairytale, hopes, memories and dreams don’t last. They change. Just like childhood memories.

But you, you’d watch me and you’d wait for me to be someone’s whore.

For all I know, I was their whore and,

Nobody else’s.

You Certainly Know

You want me and you look at me almost all the time across the room.

Although you have a certain way of telling me these things,

You must certainly know that you are very capable of stealing my heart and soul and very, very much capable of taking my body for granted because I, for one would’ve let you.

You have these gentle eyes which are so certain and this mysterious figure of yours lies within the chiseled lines of your body.

You have a way to opening the door to my heart and making my high garden walls crumble.

No doubt; you are a beautiful man with lots of compassion for those around you.

My sun in June with red roses during winter splattered with snow.

And if I had loved you; dreamt of you;

you certainly know.

Winter In Spring

Ever since you, I’ve liked Winters just a little bit more.

Winter represents you and your warmth after coming in from snowfall.

I am a girl with a distant nature and violent dreams and I fall in love too easily and tend to like people a bit too fast.

But you cannot compare to all the things I’ve seen.

You’re a bad boy with an even temper.

And you smell like pine and your favorite season is Halloween but you look like some kind of Christmas angel.

Your eyes are like almonds; amber almonds and you were born on New Year’s day.

And when I look at you it’s almost as though we are almost about to kiss.

And the problem is you look like the type to know.

Goodbye

I love how the moonlight looks upon you as you silently sigh.

Your heavenly bliss is respondent with my soul and it becomes Springtime in Winter and I begin to love you more and more.

Kiss me harder and the moonlight becomes more apparent and more beautiful than the stars and constellations itself.

Happy Birthday my love; happy holidays for every time we say goodbye.

However nearby you are; you are miles away and I cannot

Stop

Loving

You.

A Vision of Love

When I saw the world,

I saw with brand new eyes;

a vision.

A vision of you and me.

And the world was whole.

Come Undone

I went to a dark place where the light shined on me no longer.

No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get back to where the light was.

God knows no pity for people who cannot return.

I looked for the light trying to get back;

My hands shed with blood;

Blood of the innocent; blood of the unknown had spilt all over my light and its darkness spilled upon me.

I could not return to the light

No more,

No more.

Nevertheless I was now in a dark place.

And my guiding light no longer guiding me.

For my light that guided me was a false light that had gone out.

A pipe dream of light; I had become lost into the dark abyss and no longer was I redeemed, for I had already been but to my demise; I had undone the blood of Christ and I had damned myself far too young to come undone.

Curse the Gods! Curse my God!

For I could not find my way back to you or back to the light.

Lover O' Mine

I would never love anyone as I have loved you.

My lover of mine; you will always be the one and only thing that arouses my senses like a potion of some kind of love spell.

You have bewitched my mind, my body and my soul; but most of all, you’ve bewitched my heart with the poison of your subtle stares and your warm smile that brings the sun up.

I would do anything to satisfy your soul for I am kept within the confines of my room and wondering if love is some kind of verb as the madman arriveth.

I think of you every Winter that you are gone;

Every Summer, your smile reminds me of the sun;

Every Fall, the trees sway like your body that sways within the wind;

Every Spring; the colors that i cannot describe are within the flowers.

The air that fills your lungs I wish to be.

The earth you tread on, I wish to enslave;

The fire in your heart I wish was for me.

The water that tames your body; the water that surrounds you I wish to be.

The lips that touch your coffee straw I wish to kiss.

But I;

I am a mad man across the waters of a never ending abyss.

What do I know about love?

A mere sailor of some madman across the waters that is about to die amidst them and the last thing to think of;

is your face really.

Lover o’ mine.

I need you like the air that giveth life. Take me o’ love and I swear to you I will be home.

Chasten - Castillo

I was haunted by my own demons;

Stalked by a gaunt vampire with no particular interest in anybody’s business but mine.

I would’ve died before anyone found out the mere truth that laid inside and gave birth yonder to the hatred of demons.

I was born of hellfire.

Of the smoke of the fire that gave light to hell.

I was a damned and doomed bastard.

A man without a cause.

Chastened by the father;

Damned of the saints.

Doomed of my own convictions toward the angels and their recompense toward the protection of God the father.

Lo, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil in the darkness for God’s wrath follows me throughout. He maketh me a bed to lie in green pastures for his shelter is my comfort, his footsteps my guiding light and his house my rock, his own cup my cup as it runners over and his shadow my sword throughout. My demons foreshadowed by light; my iniquities through his grace. My horse given to me by his sight and my heart belonging to him in his everlasting comfort for he eases my soul and chastens my bones and he shall taketh me to the land of the lourde where I shall dwell in his kingdom forever and ever.

Enshrouded into the consuming darkness I walked and I never again saw light.

The sky was hazy with darkness and a red sky with dead grey clouds.

Inscribed into every dead body’s tombstone underneath the tree of the dead where thousands have died, I stood. And every stone had my name on it.

The devil.

The devil he had placed beside me and although hell followed,

Lucifer despite his lore had left me.

To die a painful death.

The Obsession

The obsessions of a madman.

I wanted more of you, but you turn away from me!

If I cannot have you nobody can!

Why, if no one can ever truly have you as I want you, what else can they do but just stare at you!

You are my reason to live….

my blood; my haunt in the night…..

These things, I do for you….

For lo’ and behold my angel of the light.

Anymore and there

will

be

Blood.

The Trembling

You, who would love me at my darkest,

What could I do but to love you???

Love you and make the insanity go irate?

Infused, infuriated with your body trembling in mine?

Or is it me that trembles?

I cannot love you.

How can I not love someone I cannot leave?

There is nothing in this world but the infuriating noise of the rain that thrashes against the pane of the moonlit night.

I can’t.

I cannot make love to you!

For you are already….

dead.

Why?

Out of the darkness and into the woods I had crept.

I was alone in the eve of the full moon while pine glistened in the moonlight of my solitude.

To whichever unhappy soul could reach me.

I couldn’t bear to tell you I loved you so, for the full moon’s haunts and its shadows had come to wrestle with me in the night.

So scared was I to come back home my dear, that I could barely recognise myself.

I was out here.

Hoping you could read the letters of my soul into wording.

I ache. O’ how I ache for you my lover.

O’ lover of mine how I wish I could awake by your bedside and tell you my remorse.

But to tell you I love you would be a mistake.

for I who aches in pain cries out to the full moon born of malice;

Why?

All of Me

You are in the shadow of my dreams.

The very place where the beating of your heart; the movement of your body;

The ethereal presence of your soul haunts me.

Take all of me why don’t you.

Take everything.

Scratch my eyes out for they are yours

And the ghost of you that haunts me;

Take away my soul so that eyes no longer see.

The beast of you becomes me as the pendulum swings and the ticking of the clock in the darkness becomes bare; naked for the eye to see.

Take it!

Take it now!

Take all….

of me.

Tis' Only A Paper Moon

I am the girl with paper stars

Soon I will be a girl with paper wishes, chasing paper dreams;

Paper pipe dreams only to be unheard of.

I am an unwritten chapter in your book that I do long to write on shall I go mad

But tis only a paper moon my love….

It is the dark night

My darkness covers over the light of my soul and the moon.

The moon doth rise.

And whilst you lie sleeping it is I who howls at the moon;

for

you.

Where For Art Fair Plight?

The asylum…..

Where O’ where is there mercy?

For the time being when we could all be free?

Free of the absynthe that feeds upon the rats?

As they dip you and chain you into thee oblivious pit of the people who fare you well?

The probes as they cut into your skin and leave you howling before bedtime.

No, no one should ever escape.

No one should ever escape this prison as dreams of light flash into night.

And the full moon takes its toll on such ungodly sight.

Where is the grass that was green?

Where are the flowers flourishing with color?

Where?

But in the dark of night?

The prison in whch we fare no longer this fair plight of night?

Where O’ where for art fair light?

Where but into the darkness of night?

Ghouls At Night

The darkness is not only filled with beasts love,

or monsters….

or ghouls at night….

It is filled with cheats and liars and the worst of the sort;

the fortune tellers;

barers of bad news that can actually tell you when and only when you were to die.

The witches that cast awful spells to bring you bad misfortune; and a toll upon those you love and those that love you.

Beware ofpoets my love; soothsayers of all kinds;

those gypsies who break hearts for they know hwo to kill a man.

It is of great misfortune that I write to you….

For I am one to be

God save my soul.

The Translation of Darkness To Light

They say that only light can cure darkness; and all darknesses at that.

If light can cure darkness; then the wick of a candle is just the beginning of it all to make a flicker.

The light of a mere candle cannot grasp its gloomy darkness,

When words cannot be salvaged.

When stolen hearts cannot be forgotten.

If light can cure darkness, then I can translate that darkness into light to make you love me; to make you happy.

My dark angel; do love….

me….

The Captain of Her Heart

My love, come back for me

love;

My darling captain….

Of my heart.

None can compete.

And baby,

My baby….

I love you.

I love you.

Come back to me…

I love you baby,

I do

I do

‘Cause in the end you’re all I’ve been craving for and the only one I’ve ever truly loved.

Merry Christmas sweetheart….

How We Died

“Hey Joshy!”

It was the middle of Autumn in California. My father and I took Joshua from the outer islands down to the mainland. I was five he was seven.

“If we ever join the military do you think we’ll ever come back?”

“Megs, of course we will. That’s what makes us who we are. Soldiers.”

“Do ya think we’ll ever get married?”

“Nah!” he said.

I threw leaves at him. He threw the leaves back.

The thing about this story was a few years later we grew apart to our late twenties.

We didn’t talk.

I was in college and they had me and him going in the military at the time.

The last thing I remembered was him crawling out of the hole with me and his left arm blew up out of the mine fields.

He had been a lefty for the longest time and he loved to write.

The last thing I heard remembering was that he told me was to shoot him.

I kept my promise.

We promised each other if we didn’t come out right, we’d shoot each other.

Baby, I love you.

And it’s over.

And I know you’re up there gettin’ judged going to heaven and smiling down at the crew an’ me.

I died because of brain damage minutes later. It was collateral damage on the field.

And that’s how we died.

We were back home.

Just the two of us with my daddy watching us jokingly playing in the leaves.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas baby,

I love you and I do…..

I’ll love you forever and I will always love you…..

No matter how pissed off you make me.

I will be making love to you.

I will be holding you for the rest of my days until forever.

It’ll always be you I am dreaming of….

It’ll always be you catching me when I fall.

And when there are roads that lead to nowhere, you will be my path of light in my life that lights up the whole world.

The light that lets me know you love me; the light that lets me know you still care for me always.

merry christmas love….

My Winter in Springtime.

Lover o’ mine….

Warming my heart and lighting my soul; and uplifting me in the dead of night.

Strange Boy

Keep grabbing me.

Keep wanting me as though you are my lover.

For your mouth of water with your honeyed lips I can’t stop kissing.

Knowing that forever fears death, I will make time for you.

Your innocence knows no boundaries. You are my rabbit on the run.

A small bunny who just happened to cradle a lioness.

You’d never hurt me.

You know me.

You’d want me.

You’re strange.

But you’d want me.

I’d never hurt you.

I’ve known you.

I’d want you.

I’m strange.

But I’d want you.

Tell me you’d love me.

You, who would leave me unsatisfied.

Tell me you’d never leave me. That you’ll love me in both health and sickness.

Tell me do you?

I know you do, but do tell me you do love me this time; maybe next time….

Tell me you love me.

Make sure we never part….

Tell me you need me more than you think of other women.

My world in shambles; you think of me as a snob who will never hurt.

It’s funny how you’d think of me.

But I who have loved you will recover for you; will more as much rather bleed for you.

For I will love you forever.

This morose world where one cannot love as I and you will be without.

There is death to fear and that is my greatest passion. The fear of the unknown and the fear of leaving you.

It is this passion that arouses my instinct and strikes my heart to live.

Will you always be so passionate to me then? And would you really love me then as I; the same?

For things that aren’t odd have a love for things that are.

And to me you are very.

And I am very fond of you.

You do think of me that way.

You really do want me.

Just as much as I want you.

And you do keep me in your heart locked up in very tall mazes with your garden walls too high.

No love; no matter; we shouldn’t have to worry.

Strange boy.

Fate

In a little while I would still be thinking about you and every little detail that encompasses you.

I can imagine you and you would be my escape into a matrix of numbers.

The new found colors that I can’t paint but only dream of.

And there you would be.

From that warm smile with your almond shaped eyes.

Yes love, you will be in my future.

Only to love me.

For you my only love,

are

my

fate.

Daisies

Someone once told me that daisies can’t last forever.

I asked him if they can last on a broken heart and he said yes; that they can.

This boy started picking daisies for me when I was a young girl.

I barely got flowers from anybody and I had never asked for much.

My fingers were cut and I was a brown skinned girl.

The young man smiled at me and gave me a daisy.

One lady asked me why I had been rejected.

I told her that, sometimes is never enough.

Many years later he came back with a huge white daisy.

I didn’t recognize the young man as a boy.

He was filthy rich and I a honky-tonk yankee.

He was annoying.

He took every man away from me because he thought he was protecting me.

He broke my heart once.

I told him after I saw him kissing another girl how I felt and after fixing his car I was rejected.

Well, this was the second time.

He took away someone I had loved dearly.

Tell me when they stop making you smile.

He said holding one out.

Little did she know, he was already married, and the boy who gave her daisies couldn’t last forever.