The Coward, or The Man Who Knew Alone

To Dr. G.D.L…; And I am astonished. That you’ve come so far inasmuch to be my undergraduate prof. Be well.

The damned thing was living in a bubbly little world where he can be a boy again. He lived in alone in his mind drowning in what couldn’t be defeat; he was living alone with the transgressions that befell him in the position and positivity of the god-head of his nature and the beauty of what surrounded him.

He had a sound mind but he couldn’t grasp the concept of otherness. He saw that things were the same in his candy-coated world; within his bread and butter he couldn’t see the difference between the colors of the weird; the extravagant the uncanny. He was fretful when people were more or less concerned over his demeanor. The tragedy that befell him during the war; the strategic planning that killed his friends made him a very crude, cruel man.

He never got what he wanted and all he needed was to go home. Tortured by his past he was a broken man who made things better by teaching for generations to promote progress in academia and growth.

A man who never gave up.

He was afraid of failing others due to his own failures. He would be known as the man who knew alone. The art of being lonely knocked on his door and he called this transgression the devil.

The war changed a fragile heart into a man who killed his comrades. The coward! The man who lived in a bubble and lived and knew only….

Alone.

A man who listens to the wind who was wounded by his afflicted past. With the dictatorship of his patriotic parenting. A man who loved the sound of slow water near the creek nearest his home.

A man who wasn’t home in his own comfort zone and learned to love again.

I don’t know what to call him. A coward or a war–monger who tried to heal others with his good natured–ness.

I Know Alone

Dear C. S,

I was in the time of my life. I thought I could conquer and control it.

The loneliness. This is partly a dark chapter in my life. And probably the saddest.

When my birthday came when I was only the pubescent age of ten years. I knew where I had to be. It was a dark side in a time in my life where I had to be alone to get to where I belonged and where I wanted to be.

I was haunted by the cold looks my friends gave me when I told them to stay away from me. That I never wanted to see them again.

They were never my friends.

It was a dark time in my life. Studying relentlessly and being busy. Trying to be the number I hated, loathed inside my bitter soul, number one at the top.

I felt nothing.

My alienation turned into my haunt in my house and I lived alone.

I knew alone.

I know alone.

I had to get better.

I had to be better.

For myself because I prove nothing for no one but myself.

Even now I am uncanny.

I sought and still seek thee unknown.

Alone

Dedicated To Dr. Schreiner. A mentor who once told me that the devil’s in the details…. I have finally been accepted into grad school…. Bless your soul Doc….

My strength and my weak

points define me and the way

I see the world I

grew up in and now I know

that I am alone. Writing.

Darkness

Darkness is in everyone and it is inevitably so that sometimes in everyone’s lives we truly experience something dark. Just like everyone has light in them, the darkness only illuminates that light. So why hide the darkness? Is it some gloomy nightmare that nobody wants to look at? When you’re forced to look at yourself it is a matter of being yourself. It is not a phase. It’s just that you cannot ever become dark or be consumed it’s just there.

In return it is the fact that everyone has a demon in them meaning just like everyone is a little crazy all the best people are crazy just like all the most pious people are dark.

Life Update #7

The Journal of Popular Culture – Marion Nowak — “How to be a Woman”- Theories of Female Education in the 1950sDownload

The Languages of Three Generations of Chamorro Women Chapter Thesis by Dr. Sharleen Santos-BambaDownload

Soooo, I am doing an article analysis of the above articles by Marion Nowak and another article of the 1950’s woman in her twenties compared to a Pacific Islander in her twenties in the 1950’s which is part of a chapter thesis by Dr. Sharleen Santos-Bamba from the University of Guam. So here are the articles and my PowerPoint presentation below which is actually my thesis project for my MA degree but it’s an idea that might get rejected. So bear with me. I seem to have more resources than these which will go into the final product of my MA thesis paper if my idea does not get a rejection and if the people involved in my chair actually want to go down this road with me. Wish me the best of luck! (**Winks)

A Probable Thesis Topic I’ve Been Researching On EN501 Presentation_How To Be A WomanDownload

Life Update #6

Soooo, I am enjoying two classes this semester of Fall and I plan to take two classes every semester before I meet the criteria to graduate from grad school. This is my first presentation and a little taste of what we’re doing in Graduate school. I had to pick an MA thesis for my sample presentation and here it is! I read ten to twenty pages a day and now I am working on reading three books at a time for only two classes along with article and MA thesis projects for another. I am pretty busy but that’s the thing I LOVE being busy. I have an analysis paper due in two weeks which gives me time to finish up Edgar Huntly, or Memoirs of A Sleepwalker for American Gothic Literature class and I have about five to four chapters left. For another class I have to read Lois Tyson’s Critical Theory and Linda Smith’s Decolonizing Methodologies. Although it doesn’t sound fun, I am getting a lot out of these classes. So! Here is my presentation on an MA sample thesis of Stephen Frosh’s chapter three of Hauntings which I will post below including the whole thesis since I am only analyzing Chapter 3.

Stephen Frosh -Hauntings: Psychoanalysis and Ghostly Transmissions 2013-palgrave-macmillanDownload

MA Thesis Review Presentation_ Hauntings Psychoanalysis and Ghostly Transmissions_Chapter 3 Ghostly Analysis_Stephen FroshDownload

Hauntings By Stephen Frosh Chapter 3 Download