The Calm Before The Storm

There was nothing so serene. The calm about this beach.
The warm sun caressing my shoulders….
The sound of ocean waves crashing against the sea.
The taste of bittersweet on my lips and on my palette….
Ocean water.
The low tide is nothing like the calm before the storm hits.
The rocks;
chiseled and jutted with their crevices brimming with sea life.
No current to be found.

Life Update #9

University of Guam Graduation Plan

FALL 2021 : EN501; EN560

SPRING 2022 : EN550; EN580

FALL 2022 : EN560; EN680

SPRING 2022 : EN691; EN675

FALL 2023: EN695

SPRING 2024 : EN695

So this is it guys! How I plan to graduate in three years!

In Pain.

And I loved you…
I had always loved you even past your convictions….

You….

my reason for change….

my reason to live life….

only to lose you to the world….

Truly, you must be my karma….

I lost you to a world where nobody loved me.

Until I saw him….

It was him through you….

and I’m in pain….

All of the time….

For You

I miss you like the sun misses the moon.

I miss you like the current misses the shoreline.

I miss you like a fish to water.

I miss you like a wolf that cries to the moon.

I miss you like the clouds miss you during those rainy days to encapsulate your body….

I miss you like the water misses you.

And to keep you near me, I understand that I can only see you through water and that is why I call your name somewhere near the ocean.

You’re known as the boy who taught me to love the water.

You’re like earth on fire.

And I would be the one to set the earth on fire.

For you.

The Pale Ghost

I imagine you are there,

in my heart and in my head.

You are with me.

A pale ghost alive within my head and in my heart.

Nearest you

Near where you used to live,

I feel your touch,

hear your breathing.

Feeling your breath on my hair,

Your fingers on my waist as I lean in and feel your warmth.

I love you,

I love you.

I do.

I Think of You

I think of you when times are unclear.

I think of you always in the nighttime.

When twilight fades and darkness covers the earth.

I think of you and were you might be.

Whether there is a heaven or hell;

Whether the night can stay young;

and especially when the stars go blue.

When the silence in the night is conquering;

when it ensnares my senses.

I think of your face.

and I think

of

you.

Where you used to be.

Prescribed Medication

           My short story addresses mental illness that is commonly put on the shelf in most families on island. I submit this because my grandmother and grandfather or manamko’ would always say that it is good to let the children go without medications because it is unhealthy for their bodies and could lead to bad things. I chose to make the story up in third person narrative because I felt that if someone could read this, they would think twice about the medicines from other countries and know that sometimes we have to let go of what we think is right or wrong to save a life. I implemented some CHamoru language in my story and I also implemented CHamoru myth into it.

            This is a story about a boy called Pulan and his younger sister Somnak. Pulan was a young boy who was premature for his age and was like the moon he was named after and Somnak, some say was like the sun because he would watch her wearily under the nearest coconut tree as she played outside. Pulan always read to her and talked about the meaning of each myth in the evenings about her favorite stories which were “Puntan and Fu’una,” or how Guam was created and “Sirena,” which was about how a young girl turned into a fish. But the one she was most interested in was “Puntan and Fu’una.” After the story about Sirena, Somnak looked questioningly at Pulan.

“Pulan?” Somnak asked, “Why didn’t her mother care for her enough not to turn her into a fish?”

Pulan paused for a bit.

“Somnak, you know Sirena’s mother regretted it.”

“But Pulan, is she like our mother?”

“Somnak, don’t say that about mom. Mom is sick.”

“But Pulan. Our mother would never do that no matter how angry she would get.”

With that, she turned on her side and slept dreaming about the creation of mankind and whether there were curses that she knew could turn one into half a fish and half human.

                                                                        ***

As Somnak and Pulan got older, it was a year that they would never forget. They were both in middle school when they found out that something was wrong with Somnak who was like the sun. Somnak was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder which is commonly known as ADHD. She was having trouble at her new school and could not come over to play with the other children because she was so hyper. Their mother Tasi knew this and cried because she had suffered from schizophrenia. She was highly functioning but could never understand why it had to be her only daughter, Somnak who was like the sun.

Tasi held Pulan’s head to her chest and said “Be strong for Somnak, Pulan. Be strong. Medicine will only make Somnak sicker.” Their father Juan was a hard worker. One day Tasi and Juan had a fight. Pulan looked into the kitchen to see their mother throwing dishes. Glass after glass broke. She was sobbing.

“But Tasi! We have to get medication for our daughter! She is struggling and it’s the only way!”

“The only way for what Juan?! To make our daughter sicker?!”

She took what was left in the cupboard and it all fell in a sickening crash. Juan grabbed her arms to keep her from cutting herself. Pulan ran into the living room and pulled on a pair of tennis shoes and helped his father carry his mother as she was wailing.

Some nights she would be in a hysterical fit crying and saying “Save my neni-girl…. Save my neni-girl….”

Pulan knew she was quietly going insane and sometimes woke up to the sound of constant crying.

Tasi was then given medical treatment. Tasi knew well what the medication was for and how strong it was. Somnak was at their nina and nino’s house. She too was being medicated. One day, Pulan found his mother after school lying on the floor with a pale face and blue lips. Pulan quickly found his father’s number on the refrigerator and dialed as fast as he could 9-1-1 then his father’s number. The ambulance came to find his mother had overdosed on her new medication and Juan got down to his knees and cried.

It had been years since that had happened and Pulan would never forget what his mother said. It kept replaying in his mind. “Be strong for Somnak, Pulan. Be strong. Medicine will only make Somnak sicker.”

“Dad?” Juan looked at him for a long time.

“Yes son.”

“Will Somnak become just like mommy if we tell her?”

Juan frowned, put his head in his hands and cried.

                                                                        ***

Somnak was a tiny-tot who loved running around. She couldn’t concentrate on having her schoolwork done and was easily distracted. There was only one probability. Skip classes and play happily outside.

Sometimes the teachers would call her “Sunny,” but she preferred her CHamoru name to her usual nickname.

Sometimes she would pretend she was walking to class, but the reality was that she was running home and leaving her school bag in her chair. Her classmates would giggle and call her pikaroti in CHamoru for trickster.

“Why are you always like this? Is your mother like this?” One boy asked while he was walking with her to her old school.

“No!” She shrilly screamed at the top of her lungs. “My mother’s name is Tasi and she’s as calm as the ocean and as mean as a tidal wave!”

“Whatever.” The boy had sighed.

He looked around.

“We’re late!” As he started to run he grabbed Somnak by the arms and dragged her to the classroom.

“Where’s your bag?! We’re gonna be late!”

“I can’t go.”

“Aww why not Sunny? Ya scared?”

And with that she ran back to her Nina’s arms.

“Somnak, come on, we’re going to talk with your father.”

And with that, her nina closed her door.

                                                            ***

It was already nighttime. Pulan unpacked his things and found the old book he used to read to Somnak.

“Pulan? Is mama gonna be with Puntan and Fu’una?”

“Yes Somnak.”

“But when we die, we will be watching over her like the sun and moon right?”

Pulan looked at her and squeezed her tightly and dreamt of the old maga’ haga and maga’ lahi. As they held each other in their sleep, Pulan and Somnak would look down upon Tasi and their reflections would be cast upon her waters in their dreams.

CHamoru Glossary

Manam’ko – Elders

Pulan – Moon

Somnak – Sun

Puntan – Male God of Creation

Fu’una – Female God of Creation

Maga’ haga – Female Chief

Maga’lahi – Male Chief

Tasi – Water

Juan – The Spanish version of “John”

CHamoru – The indigenous people of Guahan/Guam

Fire and Water

I was never more aware of the touch of his hands upon my waist.

His fingers holding me tightly….

His breath on my hair.

He was the water that quenched my fires.

The one that took me down.

The one who taught me to love the waters and look danger in the eyes.

The one I wanted to drown in…..

Life Update #8

Sooooo…. I’ve changed my topic from psychoanalysis to feminism and I think it’s really fascinating how the science of this will all work out in the end. I am currently taking two classes every semester so I’m sort of a part time/full time student still at the University of Guam only getting an MA degree and this will probably take me another four to five years or so. Buuuut…. Here is my thesis proposal and I may be taking the classes that can probably be applied to my thesis and my theory. So, here goes! Reminder for you all to hear: We may not be the A+ students we wish to be but as long as we’re going, we’ll get there…. ; ) (Winks)

EN501_Certeza, Megan_Thesis ProposalDownload

Mind you…. My MA thesis proposal will reflect on the actual thesis in this class so I’m going to go with my guts and see where this goes. My proposal is not finished yet but I need two pages of chapter descriptions. Ciao!