Laughing

You make me happy

when you are smiling and when

your laugh’s contagious.

Smiling

You smile because

you’ve got my attention now

but I smile cause

meanwhile, you are the one that

makes me feel very happy.

Dew

Just looking at you

makes me smile everyday

because you kiss me

on my forehead like rain and

disappear like dew.

Carousel

I always knew I was going to die. It had been a long summer of bullshit. My foster parents, the cat dying and the dysfunctional family next door. That was life.

Well, I’m all grown up now and all I have left are two full suitcases of clothes complete with a box of shoes.

I suffer from tuberculin and my pills don’t work so I’m just trying to get from San Francisco to L.A on this goddamned bus.

It is damp, dank and dark but the seat is very dry. I want to go home but for now I don’t have one and looking back it was so hard for me to honestly breathe and still believe I made it out of this hellhole alive.

She smelled like roses.

I knew her from somewhere but I couldn’t remember where I had seen her.

And she looked like love.

The more I thought about it the more paler I got and the people around me if there were any had begun to swear and cover their noses and glance at me once in a while.

I lived a pretty normal life and it wasn’t that bad.

I wanted to be in the countryside. I wanted to be happy; to be breathing in the fresh air.

To love; to marry. To cherish her.

My eyes drooped and was heavy.

My life like a carousel or some type of merry-go-round of life and my heart beating fast; I slumped in my chair as my soul began to become nothing out of my body.

My soul relieved.

I always knew that death smelled like roses.

But she embraced me in what felt like love.

Wish

I wish there was a

way I could get through to you

because I love you

and we may never pass this

way ever again in life.

Darkness Translated

You literally
just have to be around me ;
somewhere standing near
the shade of a dimly lit
room projecting light.

Translating Light

Tell me your secrets
about the universe and
how the stars shine for
you and how you translate the
darkest night into sunlight.

Poisons

You make poison out
of my potions into hope
that you will love me.

The Yearning

I yearn for you because you have the power to light my fire.

You are that part of me where my passion and my demons hide.

You’re the chapter in a book I want to read that has beautiful poetry written in it.

That spark of desire that is set aflame in my heart belongs to you.

Still Yours

You probably can’t

go looking for me ‘cause I

can only love you here at

the very least, in the heart

that will always be still yours.

Missing

You can find me at

the root of your heart because

you probably can’t.

Paradise and Wine

You made trouble

in paradise look like heaven;

your poisons like wine.

The Sea

Let me dance with you

slowly underneath the moon-

lit night in a slow

serenade with the stars at

your feet as the sea watches.

Sane

You left me clinging

to the walls of your heat and

with you I am sane

because with you I had found

all my sanity.

The Innocence of A Child

You are part of the
ocean and it compliments
you; your innocence
because you are with the heart
of a child yet you are mine.

Quenching Fire

You are like water
that comes to quench the fire
that scorched the earth’s plain
deep inside my heart within
the recesses of my soul.

The Song of Your Name

The ocean’s surface
brings me back to you and sings
you into tune with
every crash that the waves make
as the current says your name.

Eternal Summers With You

You make winter feel

like Spring but with you it

is eternally

forever and always an

eternal summer with you.

Boxes, Keys and Potions

I wish I knew how

to fit into the walls of

your heart-shaped box,

to unearth the key to your

heart, to heal from its potions.

The Contour of Your Soul

I wish I knew how

to fit into the contours

and the confines of

your soul just for a day or

probably for forever.

My Heart

My heart would ache for you as I lay here in the confines of my room. I miss you as I stare blankly at my ceiling with the sun rising outside my window.

I dream about you being mine in such a lonely world and my heart shudders and beats as I think about your smile and in despair, I hunger for your heart and long for your body to cradle mine.

I long to listen to your soul and I crave you to be in my arms forever. I know love. I know you. I know you love me and we don’t need to ever be apart because you’re in my heart and on my mind.

As I stare up at an empty ceiling, the creases of the corners of my room, the cracks of sunlight remind me of you through my windowpane. I long to be the sunlight that caresses your tan skin.

In this moment, we are infinite and we knew that the future held for us by chance a miracle that we could never truly part. You will always be a part of me and forever; you’ll still have my heart.

Abandoned

Let me roam into the abandoned crevices of your heart.

The haunting of the sharp features of your face and of your body.

The haunted house of your dreams that lives on in your mind.

The feeling of being overwhelmingly complete in your own body as well as your love.

My Heart

I love it when he

says I have his heart too in

his own language

especially when he still has

so much of my heart.

Lucky

Kitty, you don’t know

it but you make me feel like

I am special; like

I am the most luckiest

person alive. You love me.

Puzzles

Baby, you are drop

dead gorgeous and you look like

a complex puzzle.

Alone…

When you are with them

why can’t I seem to get you

as mine or alone?

Breathe

You’re so beautiful

and right now I can barely

seem to smile nor breathe.

Die

You were kind enough

to end my happiness

but you were the whole

thing that makes me want to laugh

and die at the same time.

A Lagoon

He is like winter in summer and he is from where no man once dared to roam; my island boy…. do you know you’re from Mortlock?

Fire

My heart sings your tune.

as you set my heart aflame

into your soul’s voice

But I do love you.

I love you like the sun

that kisses the sea

by shimmering against the

ocean’s black surface.

The ocean engulfs

the heart that is set aflame

and quenches its thirst.

Solace

Tell me you love me

and I will never leave your

side. Please tell me that

you’ll remember me deep down

in my heart and find solace

within my soul and

if you can hear me, that some

way, you’ll love me back….

Kissing Part 2

Kissing you is like

an art, and I am the brush

to paint your canvas.

Kissing

How I long to kiss your lips that often tell lies, and hear your sweet voice through your music; O to put your mouth over mine own lips.

The Missing Promise

You smell like cherries in blossom on a hot Summer evening and you have a good way of telling me I’m wrong because you’re blunt; but they say love is blind because tonight I’m wrong about everything because deep down inside I knew. I’ve also decided to put my faith away and built my garden walls too high and put you down as a wanderer with no boundaries left but the insecure blindness that you still loved and cared for me.

Nonetheless, you will end up marrying two different people who are in the same body. You will marry someone, but not her. Not the same girl. Just somebody that you used to know who loved you like; but since as a child and I’d swear to God that it was me and they someday when the white noise is all gone, you; if you really loved me would recognize me and know.

You’d know it was me and know that you still had my heart.

Because deep down I know I was still in yours somewhere missing along the way.

But I swear to God I’ll find a way to replace my sanity as you.

Just remember that you are a missing promise and I keep swearing to God that I missed out and missed you too much.

And Dear Ivan but by hope of chance, Paul;

I can barely breathe.

Eternal

Whenever I see

you again, I feel like I’m

just falling in love.

NAVI

Ivan if you can

hear me I recognize you

and I will never

forget how you noticed

my face grow softer…. For you….

First Grade

I have known you since

forever and when you look

at me like that you

invoke feelings I used to

have as a small, young first grader.

Children

I look at you like

I am a child because you

and I knew we’d

have a future together

and you knew me ever since.

Love

You love me like you’ve

won a war but do you still

have strength to hold me while you

look at me like that?

Like A Child

I was young to the world and became like a child.

But in the end, I ended up having to lose you.

Time and time again.

For A Friend

Before I knew it, death; Thanatos or whatever it was looked at me the way it looked at him and stared at me right in the face.

I’d still look for you friend,

But years afterward I’d be in love and in bed beside another man.

You’d pray for me friend,

But Thanatos did not hide.

At least not tonite.

For you

And if you missed a day, there was always the next,

and if you missed a year, it didn’t matter,

the hills weren’t going anywhere,

the thyme and rosemary kept coming back,

the sun kept rising, the bushes kept bearing fruit—

– Sunrise, by Louise Glück

But who were you when you were a young man before you left because you didn’t know the future or the things to come?

What would’ve enticed you before you started asking who did this to you, who did this to you?

Before you began asking afterwards why me, why me?

Navy Blue

And if you do get lost at sea, will the tide touch your body and will the wind come back to touch your cheek before you reach the shore or before water enters your lungs to bring you eternal sleep before you are saved?

Before you think I suffocated you to make you stay.

Remember me sir and come back home in one piece please. Forgive me if I meant it but you are not a soldier just yet.

You see, you are a man who should not have been allowed into the arms.

A young boy joining the military to come home to no one who gave a flying fuck about him.

No recognition of any kind all except to come home to assholes who sent you there.

The military gave you a permanent fuck you.

I say the military fucked you hard, and as you got older you got no respect and you’re not the young boy who loves to run in fields of gold and talk alllll the time.

Of course I know who you are and who you were before the navy.

Of course I know who you are and who you were before the navy.

You just wanted to live a fulfilling life and have adventures everyday and live.

Well soldier, keep living.

The Type Part 2

I know you are not

a big fan of sugar and

creamer in your tea,

but I do know that you like

coffee and tea in your cup.

The Type

You’re the type that likes

your coffee and tea without

the sugar and cream.

You like noodles and you like

different kinds of cheese.

Shattered

You bring the sunshine

and you know that you take down

what’s left of my heart

and shattered everything that

I love and care about you.

The Heart-Ache

NAVI, you make my mind

flutter with ecstasy and

stir wild butterflies

that ache within a breaking

heart with water in my lungs.

So Close

So close and yet so

still your body lies when you’re

very close to me

and how lonely I would be

still looking for only you.

My lover..

My lover is the

color of dark skies, coffee

and likes matcha tea.

He listens to all kinds of

music but prefers lo-fi.

Music

You are my favorite

chorus in a tune that keeps

playing my favorite

instrument and singing words

I love to hear in your arms.

The Narrow Path

You are the path less taken.

The road I’d take;

The direction I’d follow.

You are a completely complex map of highways that lead me into your direction.

The reason I take your direction is because all roads lead back to you.

As the pathways fade; you are always there and in my direction your path leads my way.

You lead me down a path that is filled with your favorite flowers.

Although the path lay deadly, you beckon to me to meet you down the narrow highway and in return, you poison me potently with your smell of Spring which is like a forbidden elixir into your rite of passage.

Loving you and taking your road is a pathway.

It is my religion to think of you often everyday as your path leads me toward endless possibilities of happiness and maybe in another lifetime, we’ll meet again and our roads, our directions, our paths and our dreams may come to a collision once again.

You are the only person who is so completely complicated and complex that your narrow pathway becomes the direction I’d take home.

You are the narrow pathway; the road less taken.

The Tide

He is gone like the wind and the rest of the world can go away.
For when he comes back he comes back to kiss me like the tide.

Thanatos

His skin is the color of coffee cream and his eyes are like cold but hiding warmth like Summer in Spring until the warmth will fade.

Growth and Anatomy

You make beauty grow

in all the places that

are generally

dead and your anatomy

is of both flowers and stars.

The Navigator

A long time ago, if you were under the full moon and you were a child molester, you’d become sick after being in the ocean for too long.

They say in the islands that if you were in the ocean you’d die.

Once the navigators used to bring food to a grieving highlander.

There was a stranger who was always sick under the full moon so the navigators had brought them from another island from up north.

The navigators depended on the wind and the direction of the wind to tell them when it would rain. They depended on the clouds and the stars to tell them where the storms would go and where and when they’d come.

One day they went under the full moon and brought their friend to be healed but when they had learned of Highlander’s death, the Navigators trekked back and found the children were dead because they were raped by a sick man. He was the very sick man they had brought to be healed so they pushed him into the water and Chaife’ the sea God grabbed him underwater to drown.

Chaife’ had sent the aniti or river spirits to grab the man and when they grabbed him, he came back.

Floating. But dead.

The Highlander

They say that the highlander was chief of the land.

He payed homage to the taotaomo’na. The death Gods found in the trees on the land.

If you should approach a tree and give him an offering, he shall give you the knowledge of the roong also called “the root,” or the root of knowledge.

One day, the highlander found his wife being shamed by two men following another woman and in return, to shame him more, they took the head of the wife and chopped it off and dismembered her body and put her in a banyan tree.

This happened amongst the guinaife, meaning the villagers and soon the highlander placed a large amount of fish in front of the banyan tree in the hopes that the villagers would not be harmed and that they would stop their activities of raping women.

So the banyan tree everyday was given sacred meat and offerings to it, but soon, as the banyan tree grew taller each day he cared for it, one by one, the people who shamed their women had been killed and dismembered.

Some blamed the highlander and do the highlander took his life and killed himself on the banyan tree and vowed yo protect his people as well as their wives.

They say those who venture into the night could hear the rustling of the trees and that the appearance of women would ease it.

Taotaomo’na-The Tree Spirit

They say that the trees

speak to one another of

ancient magick and

of the past sins of others.

They will soon come back for you.

Empty

You’ve left me empty;

hollow; and I never want

to see you again.

Swell Mutuals

Well,

The grass is still green and the moon will always be low.

But it still ain’t nothing without you around here bothering me.

I don’t think I’ll ever get to see you again but it sure was nice having you around me.

The night breeze feels swell and the air is definitely sweet but you take me way back in time.

So of course you can change time but it relies more on mere memory.

It’s okay.

Knowing we may not see each other ever again.

I mean to say it’s swell and the feeling is mutual.

Just know that we will meet each other again.

After all this white noise and you and I will be happier than we were.

The Island

At an island if you were an islander you would only belong to yourself meaning you would be able to sustain, support and protect yourself with whatever the island provided as you are one man to yourself.

They say if the island did not love you, it would never have called you back…..

If there was no love; no island; none other forms of life would exist and would be without and we would be unable to sustain or reproduce life.

God of The Sea

You should listen to

the sea more often for

you are akin to

Neptune who is God of the

oceans; son of Poseidon.

Life Update #13

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The Pacific Highways

Pacific lands where navigators have tread

with their proas and their boats.

Their paths which were a diaspora of

ancient lands. A sea-state filled with coconut trees and abundant with fish

with natural immunity to disease through their natural, organic medicines

and the grainy sand beneath your feet.

Where they swim in their lagoons,

their waterfalls and current tides

with their latte and huts made of palm.

The water running through dark; golden brown tanned skin.

They were once Gods.

They were the ones who navigated the lagoons; the oceans.

Their feet nestled in the sea as they traced and traveled the sea’s highways and broke them into navy blue roads.

They have been Gods.

Gods who were abundant.

Forget the NAVY blue roads.

Forget your concrete jungles.

Become Gods.

Again.

Where your tattoos charted maps of the currents.

Where the tides were on your arms.

Where Pacific Ocean Highways were built

through the current.

Sleeping..

I often think of

you all the time though. The mere

thought of you sleeping

and breathing and just being

healthy and safe is enough.

Island Boy Part 6

Island boy, Island

man, island God of the sea,

do you ask me to

love you? because I feel like

I have loved you since we’ve met.

Island Boy Part 5

With your golden-tanned

skin glowing beneath the sun

glimmering like stars

even beneath a moonlit

beach; you are a golden God.

Island Boy Part 4

Island boy, with your

Golden-tanned skin, as you tread

the sandy beaches,

you meditate the sea and

slowly enchant all my dreams.

Insanity

O Islander boy,

Pacific Islander boy

from the Mortlock lagoon!

When will you tell me you love

me?! I slowly go insane.

The Islander Part 3

Honey? Do you know

that you wear your roong on your

sleeve for them to see?

Don’t you know that when you touch

me, you touch me like some God?

The Islander Part 2

You are an island

just a man from Mortlock who

kisses my forehead

and who loves me very much;

who kisses me like a God.

The Islander

You were an island boy

who was misunderstood when

I had met you. Now,

you are an island man that

I love with all of my heart.

Truly

You make my day bright

whenever I remember

the touch of your lips to the

hairs on my head that tell me

you truly care just for me.

Soulmate

When he hugs me and

smells my hair makes my best days

the happiest as

he side-glances at me as

he sees the core of my soul.

Still

I still think about

you. We’re buildings away but

you’re always on my

mind and you will continue

on in my dreams forever.

The Navigation of Water

You remind me of the sound of the sea.

The churning of waves against the tide.

The current as it crashes into rock.

Tell me….

How did you navigate the world and in spite of yourself know where to find me?

How long have you been looking?

I’ve watched you times before and I still love it when you breathe silently throughout your sleep.

Your love is a trench of waters that still lay uncharted.

Can I navigate the waters within your heart? Love?

Paradise

Paradise is in your eyes.
I see starlight in them with blue skies.
You are my sun.
And I do love you.
Of course I do….

Seconds

I constantly think

about you every second

within every day.

To Me

I can’t wait to see

you again because we click

and clearly; I do love you

because you’re special to me.

Barely Breathing

I love you so much

that sometimes I can barely

breathe your name out loud

and I miss you very much.

Again

I couldn’t believe that after seeing that I was not the one,

that he never really thought about me.

I felt I couldn’t breathe without him breathing and I felt so much pressure on myself for trying to tell him that I loved him that I had incidentally jumped the gun.

I loved you probably more than I loved myself; and I guess I fell too fast, thinking you’d understand me that I forgot how you’d feel firsthand so I left because I probably still do.

Yet; there was something so beautiful, so sacred, so innocent and yet so profane about him, that I told him I loved him but I never saw him again….

And maybe in a few years,
I’ll probably see you again;
And maybe we could go over
all the decisions we’ve made
and we could laugh along the way
about everything that seemed
irrelevant in our lives….
The chapters in your life
would be compared to mine
along the way….

Literature

I think of you like

you are literature

because you are in

a secret dialect that

touched our souls before time came.

The Taste of Bittersweet

That night he kept looking at me. Those side glances. If I wasn’t in love, I would’ve let him rip my heart out, but the only problem was that I wasn’t and yet I was.

If there was an angel, I could swear I saw it in his eyes. But there was the devil in himself that was burning to get put out. I swear he didn’t want it. And yet I could have swore he was the devil himself.

Something told me that sometimes he wanted to kill me and sometimes; I swore that sometimes he just didn’t.

It was a pain so profound that he probably just might kill me as I lay me down to rest.

So that night I had decided to find out why he was stalking me so I took his life.

He was used to killing women the very same way he took them. He’d rip their heart out and then slit their throats.

He was addicted to doing it like it was a good, fine wine but yet a very poisonous medicine.

“I could’ve given you everything you wanted!” I yelled after him as he fought me on the deck of the boat. “ I could’ve had everything I wanted! But no!”

He looked at me like I was a barbarian; a mad woman.

Deep down I couldn’t stand him looking at me like that. So I leapt off the boat and with a guilty conscience as crouched as my back, I looked up at him, got up and ran to hide the pain in my heart.

I took him. I took another life in deed and in debt.

Gary was best being who he was. Not because he kept the faith but he kept a sane mind.

Unlike Joe, Bob, Billy n’ me.

Now Barry, he could write well. But not as well as me.

Used to tell Gary when nights were young, “Have you ever tasted Southern blood under a young Southern moon?”

And Billy would look at me and say I’s crazy and I belonged to ‘em.

Barry would laugh at me and say I was fruity.

Things were about to get ugly.

“A candle in the wind” and “a light that never goes out” scares the socks outta me.

Nothing “real” is scary anymore and that my friend, is enough.

How can you tell the taste of rotting meat from bittersweet?

It’s macabre and it tends to leave the bland taste of bile as it marinates the mariner’s mouth and the taste of saltwater sweetens the last gulps of air into internal screaming that suggests intoxication.

The bullet was carving carefully into carnage at my skin through my knee-bone; my joints being blown out as the bullet broke through cap through skin, then flesh and then through bone and backwards again as saltwater filled it sending both my knees a vibration.

The sweet sensation is carnage in the battlefield, but not the battle zone in itself but sheer hell until you felt the light go out of the hellfire.

I imagined that the world’s biggest heartache was still on the boat with me.

“Gary? Do you love me?”

My head started getting high on pure sea salt when it came out.

“Love me?”

I staggered to say.

It burbled out of me with fire in my lungs; my chest as a final heave gave way through bile and a mouthful of kisses and sweet nothings as I choked.

Both bile and sea water.

The taste of bittersweet.

Because....

It sure isn’t the same without you around….

But the world will keep turning on its axis and we’ll never see each other again.

Sometimes I still swear to God that I’m the one who is kissing you.

Although however far the distance,

I still think of you and look at your picture and wonder what you see in me….

I swear I could be close to heaven and see it in your eyes because we just click.

You like LoFi. and prefer it to British punk rock.

You taste like jasmine tea and you smell like Spring and stil manage to look like Summer.

You are my Winter in Spring,

My Summer in Fall.

My reason to believe that all the seasons revolved around you.

Time doesn’t seem to matter though,

becasue I love you.

STOP

Dear….,

It sure isn’t the same without you around….

But the world will keep turning on its axis and we’ll never see each other again.

You will either live with the weird, or become too attached to the weird; so attached and familiar with it that you become the weird.

The problem is what in actuality is weird and how do we define it?

But like you’ve always said, we can’t have everything we want.

And the world will stop for no one.

I hope you know that no matter how many sunrises or sunsets come and go, I won’t know how to feel differently than how I do when I’m with you.

But my God how I wish it stopped for you.

Heaven For A Second

We may wish for a little piece of heaven but deep down inside I know that I’ve found it in you because I now know that there are other worlds with other galaxies within your eyes and your soul is made up of the very stardust that creates them. And I know that you are my seconds in heaven.

Wish

I wish I knew the

color of your soul and which

hue it represents.

I also wish I knew where

the key to your heart may lie.

Doll Folk

People are like dolls in their doll houses living an existential life. But are their lives really real and is their doll house life really worth living? What is the message that they give? What in their doll like life is real? Where is their purpose in doll like bodies inside their doll like houses?

I honestly hope that those types of doll folk live a life that is fulfilling. A life that can be full of wonder.

Whether to love; I hope they have been given a purpose to feel butterflies in the stomachs every time they fall into this thing called life and that the human condition called the will of the beating heart finds them.

In fact, I hope they danced in the rain and laughed happily as the other doll folk thought they were strange…..

Poison

When you fade into something like “love” it just doesn’t become a verb for a feeling. It becomes your religion and your faith however you want to call it. It’s the way the heart beats faster between you and your beloved. It becomes first your body, your heart, your mind and then your soul like you’re devouring some sweet medicine that never really goes away. Like a sweet poison that tastes like honey.

“Do you think the night will ever shine as bright as you?”
I asked as he counted constellations.

“Do you know why I count stars?”
He retorted.
“I count them for you.”

“Are we this close to heaven?”
I asked.

He simply replied.

“It ain’t heaven without you in it.”

O but to hear those sweet words like a sweet poisonous medicinal substance addiction.

O that smile.

Your body nearest mine.

As I’m holding your hands and we breathe one last breath of cold, fresh morning air.

You drowned me in your ocean and I’ve loved you in every life in every little single moment.

The Thief

You think I don’t know

that you love me but I know

because it’s my heart

you’re stealing and my soul is

basically enchanted too.

Close To Heaven

Sometimes I swear I am this close to heaven.

And I love the way the hues of blue become the night skies but of course, they don’t ever compare to how I feel when I’m with you.

And whatever path you take me is always gonna lead me back to you.
Of course it will.
Of course it will.

Where this lonely road takes me is where you are and these steps and these streets are the places you’ll find me even after I’m done and gone.

But I need you closer.

I need heaven close.

And with you I swear you are closest to it.

The closest to heaven.

The closest to paradise.

Connected

Every now and then
I contemplate on your smile
and I think about
how I am connected to
you and how you are with my soul.

Clicked

I think about you
and then I think about the
life we could have had
because I know we clicked the
day that I saw you.

Let Me Love You

You are the only
person that I seem to think
will understand me;
will at least let me love you.
Surely you do know. Don’t you?

Want

I want your body

just as I want your love.

say you’ll marry me.

The World

Just know that I do.

I do love you and I will

love you always and

not be moved to fall in love

with anyone in the world.