He had loved her since she and him were small children.
He was the normal type with a good heart and a good family. he loved her until high school where she was never seen again. One night changed everything.
High school was not fun. She dropped out of the first high school she went to and kept going to different ones because of her father’s beatings. One time he hit her so hard that she was knocked out. She was only nineteen years of age and somehow robbed of a childhood. She was twenty years old.
Her lover had beaten her again and left her for another man.
She cried that night.
Every night.
God didn’t want her. In fact…. nobody wanted her.
Every pill she took, every time she’d awaken and God would simply tell her to leave heaven and she’d wake up half crying in the hospital.
She tortured herself because everybody got the best of her.
After being stabbed, beaten and shamed by every person she knew, she was in great pain with her fear of men and the depression of being tired of life.
They say once in a lifetime that every girl falls in love.
She couldn’t know love.
Not when she wasn’t wanted.
They hated her. Men she had feared and she had also feared falling in love.
She was sick and she had fallen in love with the mere thought of death. She was a prostitute but yet she was not.
Men would come to fuck her at night and there was no one to listen to her cries of the marred pain inside her throat and the pain inside her stomach and her heart.
Her life; her dreams shattered around her like glass that was broken from a memory of when she was still a child lost in her prime of youth. She felt hideous growing older and she begged God the father to make her leave the earth but he spat at her, he never wanted to speak to her again and no one else wanted to be near her.
Slowly losing her sanity, walking through the streets in her lavish dresses, she walked among the sleeping children of God but knowing her, she was damned.
A damnation so great they no one wanted to help her. No one could at this point of the present.
She seemed help, medication and turned to suicide but sometimes and almost never had it helped.
Everyone got the best of her and to her it wasn’t enough.
She\\\’d have to stay away from the people she knew, loved, and respected.
She left without a word and sat on the stairs near a dark gutter near a ditch with a sign that said skateboarding was prohibited and in her heart she knew that everything was her fault because she knew all too well that she could have prevented her karma.
In all she had done, she still couldn’t understand why she couldn’t die. So instead she wept and wrote about why God had left.
The woman felt badly that she couldn’t die of the eternal sadness and the darkness that became her and consumed her flesh making her feel rotten like a toy that had been used and broken for leisurely purposes; uncared for; used for shock value and taken for granted. Her naivety, her sweetness and her laughter; all a dark joke waiting for her in the night to come home to her and kiss her sweetly with dark dreams; violent hope and wild endings.
But he saw her. Walking. She had tried to coax her into his car. She was so depressed that she had gotten in. He was a good man who loved women, and he understood what love was and how women, such creatures could easily break apart and so forth. He was a steady man who had a steady girlfriend. He was also very warm towards people. But this, he was warm to the first person, the first woman who had gotten into his car. For when he saw her he felt compassion and as she looked at him drunkenly, his whole life flashed in his eyes as she nuzzled against him. He had recognized her from the high school she had dropped out from. He recognized her but she didn’t recognize him. He let her cry on his shoulder as he held her tightly.
So she told him everything as she began to become sober. And although he believed that he had found the one as he dropped her on the street near her home, he knew he urgently had to see her again.
***
She was a troubled woman who loved him because everyday she saw him as he would come up to make her breakfast and leave poetry by her bedside. He substituted himself for every man who had fucked her senselessly. They fell in love and when he told her what he had done she had cried and he had never seen her ever again.
***
He tried to marry her years later but she had only wanted to be friends. But he had to be with her. He asked her, “What of skies that look like marble, that look like oil spilled across some sea? What of wheat grass reaching for the last remains of light before winter returns? What of the intricacies of this life?” (1) why not marry me?
She took her purse and walked out the door. And as she walked, she had cried.
“And as the moons of youth spilled once more into dawn we felt ourselves infinite again, if even for a moment.” (2)
He had loved her before. When she found the poetry he had written her, she knew it was too late and that they could only be friends.
***
Years later, his wife had left him for someone else. the ripe age of forty-two. She was pregnant with another man’s child.
He found his old soul again. She resisted as he had kissed her but eventually she kissed him back he took off her dress to reveal her subtle breasts and her nipples as she softly moaned. He kissed her body entirely and made love well into the night.
For the rest of their lives, their chapters were written into by each other. an argument there and there but they grew old and perished….. together.
(1) Tyler Knott Gregson
(2) Atticus