Sheena quickly turned to me. “Darling! Maria! Come here! Meet my lover Verona!” I flinched at the sight of Verona Delisle, her other sex partner. “Come and see her!” Sheena’s voice started swirling in my head. So, they’ve been fucking long before me. I thought as I sipped my margarita. While Sheena was conversing with Verona in her black sequined dress, I had fainted with too many margaritas and the thought that Sheena was fucking her probably while she was out while I was cooking breakfast. Probably fucking her in just those two days.
I fainted.
I was on the bed of the apartment while I heard Sheena and Verona in the other room. I went over to the other room only to find that Sheena was fucking her. The moaning felt like forever. Sheena was in between her thighs and pounding her with her body; Verona’s legs spread open like a spider’s. Moan after moan and groaning from Sheena. When would this end? She kept moaning screaming the word “harder” at Sheena. It made me begin to wonder if Sheena really was a transsexual.
I decided I hated her. But no, she was Sheena’s friend. I was thinking of ways to convert Sheena to Angelo; my Angelo. But that could never happen.
Was I really in love with Sheena? Should I turn back? What’ll happen if I told her to come back to me as Angelo? But no, Sheena was happy as Sheena. I could never make Sheena unhappy.
I showered, got dressed and took my coat. Still, they were fucking. So I left the building with my heart in my head and my head in my heart cold.
Little Italy was magical. Above the old buildings in between were electricity lines and some lines that held clothes. I wandered around the slums looking at the different cultures of people in the little town of New York. There was a Chinese man chasing some boys out of his restaurant yelling in Chinese, some Italian pizzerias with some Italian-Americans smoking big cigars. Yellow and black checkered cabs were strolling in-between the buggies that strolled by. I had never seen such liveliness in my life. I bought prosciutto from one Italian restaurant the basil, swiss cheese and pancetta rolling around my tongue. The taste was quality as I sat there eating.
I closed my eyes and looked for a sign of sky among the electric wires and found myself reminiscing about what had happened with Nikki and Sheena. What was I thinking? Did Sheena do this because she was secretly in love with me? No, she was apparently not. I loved Sheena and everything she did. I loved her at everything. I knew her ever since high school before he was a she. I loved everything about her even as a male transsexual who was a sex hound. I loved her cocoa brown skin and everything in her.
I had decided to get back to the apartment.
Verona had left.
Sheena was cooking.
After seeing Verona having sex with Sheena, I had felt very uncomfortable but I felt ashamed at the same time to tell her how I really felt. How betrayed.
“Sheena?” I called.
“Yes darling.”
“Do you ever think of….?”
I apparently paused for three seconds wondering how she would take it.
“Think of? Do I ever think of what?”
“Do you ever think of going back to just being Angelo since you keep fucking me and Verona?”
She stopped cooking. I had never been so ashamed. Never in my life.
“Darling?” she began. I listened. “Notice that I do not have any sexual intercourse with anyone who is unhappy.”
“Sheena? What do you mean?”
“I have made it a business my love. Verona practically owes me.”
I shuddered and remembered she had killed Nikki.
“Does this mean you are planning to kill her?” I asked shrilly.
“Darling!” It was almost a gasp.
“Do you not think I want Verona to be happy? Of course I want her to be happy! That is why I have sex. It is not love darling, it is sexual intercourse in return or you’ll never hear from me again. Why, I’d make drama.”
“Sheena. Do you think you’re being too loose?”
“Darling, have you ever watched the film Risky Business with Tom Cruise in it?”
I was in shock.
“Sheena! You’re not living your life based on a movie are you?! That’s an outrage!”
“Pulls forth to my inspiration. Business is pleasure darling.”
“The difference is that you are transexual.”
“Yes darling. Ja Ja.\\\”
She walked across the room over to the bedroom and slammed the door leaving me speechless.
***
New York’s Times Square was a very big place. I found myself hanging out with Sheena and Verona more often. The city lights glared down at us as the billboards were changed every now and then with famous singers and actors and actresses. I was immersed with Verona and Sheena in their light.
I noticed Sheena was looking intensely at me as I looked up at some of those billboards. I guess Verona had noticed too because in an instant she had pulled me aside.
“Sheena honey! I’m going to have a private chat with Maria!”
“Verona! Sweetie don’t be a bitch and be nice!”
Verona looked back and just rolled her eyes.
She pulled my arm and after what she had said, my body almost went limp.
“Maria!” She hissed. “How did you come to know Sheena?”
I looked down at my feet. She was obviously jealous.
“I knew her because I was married to her brother, Nikolas.”
I did not want to say more for fear sprang in my throat. Did she know something about Sheena that I had not?
“You know Sheena is my lover although she is transexual right?”
A sudden pang in my chest. My heart nearly palpitated a beat.
“No. I did not and do not know that.”
“Then you wouldn’t mind him sleeping around, would you?”
“No.”
“Is it because your pussy’s a little too small for his dick?”
I stammered.
“I-I don’t know.”
“Then you wouldn’t mind me being his little cunt-rag after he’s done fucking you right? I mean we all know who his main bitch is…..”
I could feel the heat rising up to my face.
“Aaaaand, you do know Sheena is a he pretending to be a she. Am I correct?
“Sheena is a she. I’ve known her since high school.”
Verona held my arm tighter, tightly. A manly grip.
“I believe I am in love with everything she is despite her sequined dresses and her wigs. I love her. She was looking at me and she is beautiful.”
My voice trailed off.
Verona laughed like a hyaena. Then cackled.
“Sheena? Angelo darling?!” She cooed.
I could to grasp the fact that this bitch was hanging on my arm laughing at what I had failed to tell Sheena form the beginning. Even as Angelo himself.
“Sheena! Sheena, come here! This little louse says she’s in love with you. What a wimp for a friend. We have a traitor in our midst!”
Sheena looked at me and I was looking down at my feet while she dragged me towards her.
“Verona, sweet, that’s enough!”
Sheena told her.
“But she doesn’t respect you darling. She’s a raggedy-ann cunt doll aren’t you sweetie?”
“No.”
I felt my voice crack in the middle of the “o” after the “n.” My fists were flexed and curled into a ball.
“Verona! What is the matter with you? Here, let’s have some fun.”
Sheena was being a mediator but I wouldn’t have it. In the middle of pushing Verona away, tears came down my eyes as she said it.
“Well darling, she can’t stand me fucking you! She’s nothing but a toy to you. Why her and not me?”
Finally, I cried out with tears rolling down my eyes and I ran. I ran because I could not bear it. My feet fell on the pavement of the sidewalk as I ran sobbing. I was in love. What could I do? I couldn’t tell Sheena to change into something she was not. Not a man and not a woman although she preferred her pronouns as a “she.”
***
Do you ever get the feeling of a raw aching and longing commingled with disappointment in your life? As for me got that all the time, being in love my whole life and then a few years after high school almost getting raped by an asshole family like Nikolas’ and Sheena’s. Sheena is beautiful. Don’t forget that. I loved her and I knew I would be shooting at the moon if I ever loved her, but I didn’t mind shooting at the moon as long as I was with her. I loved her since high school. Admiration whenever she flexed her muscles topless with her jeans on. Cocoa brown skin, sometimes snazzy with sometimes elegant clothing. She was gorgeous and everyone loved her. Nikolas was short. As short as I and a little blunt about cussing out Sheena for being who she loved to be in true colors that shined like the glint of diamonds. She murdered Nikki, her family for me and I gave a shit about her and her feelings wondering everyday what this eccentric woman in the body of a man must be thinking. Was I crazy to love her? No, I guess not. I would endure it till the end that maybe someday, Sheena would love me the way I loved her.
No matter. I ran. Tears kept rolling down my face. I stopped to a halt and grabbed a taxi to the apartment in little Italy and I packed my things I screamed and pulled at my hair and suddenly I took out what I was only good at doing at this moment. Writing. Writing to a dead man who had no respect for me and did not love me. To the man who soiled my bed with another woman, his boss it seemed; don’t get me wrong, it was.
Dear Nikki,
I’ve met so many people but not as blunt as Verona. I have been tested, teased and I have been drunk for the first time in my life. I have been raped, almost raped by the horrible people you respect and call your family. Alas, you are now a dead man. I’m afraid that I will never love you the same way. I am in love with Sheena; and if she ever changed her mind about being a woman, I would say to her, I do. I do. But I know she cannot change because I need her this way. I respect everything she does despite her decisions. I know she will not be my Angelo, but my beloved Sheena.
Maria
I gasped and cried as I held my fist to my chest. Partially, what Verona Delisle said had been true. I was infatuated with Angelo’s Sheena and I could never change her. My life had always been devoted to Nikki. Eating with him, sleeping with him, talking about having babies, being an adult and a beloved wife. No longer in high school with Sheena as a man. No longer a beauty but some raped bitch. I hated myself. I also hated myself because Sheena was strong and I, I was not. Not ever. How could I have not known how incompetent I was. Feeling sorry for myself, I took my bags and called another taxi beginning to wonder at life as I was only a backseat passenger in a stranger’s cab.
I thought to myself, I would have given Sheena the world if only she was not a she trapped in some man’s body. I loved her, and I guess that was enough for me. I pondered again. Was it my happiness that I was trying to pursue or was it Sheena’s? The answers to my questions I couldn’t tell. So, I fell asleep in the back of the cab, unknown to the danger that lay ahead.
***
When I awoke my head was dizzy; spinning. Was I in some cellar? I looked around and everything swirled around me into some swirl of grey and some distortion of bright light. I was so drugged up I guess that I could barely speak and see. My tied legs dangled from some chair; numb. My head was not clear. Above me some kind of noise. Music. Club music. I was under some club I guessed. I couldn’t grasp what was going on but my hands were tied behind my back with thick cords. I couldn’t tell how long I had been there but the cab driver I guess abducted me. I was saying something and an image which was the shape of a person swelled itself into view until large pounding noises abruptly filled my head as I closed my eyes. Sheena, save me. I thought in some garbled language.
There was some kick at the door where a door was supposed to be. An angry voice that had sounded like Sheena’s sounded over me like a boombox. Two gunshots. I was saved as I felt the cords loosen and my hands dangle while my tied, dangling legs were also set free. I felt someone carry me as Sheena’s face concernedly looked into mine.
***
The shower was on when I had fully awakened. I was placed in it with my dress on. I was very drenched with cold water from head to toe. This was not the type of thing I was expecting. To be grabbed. Was I that good looking enough for someone to grab me? I steadied myself in the tub. This time we were in a wealthy penthouse. I looked around. The bathroom was legit fancier than the one in little Italy.
I heard honking cars as I took off my wet clothes and disposed of them. I never wanted to remember that night again. You do not want to know how lucky I was to be found. I went out of the bathroom and found Sheena wearing a vest, no shirt and khakis with her wig off over a balcony.
“You’ve been missing for two and a half weeks.” Sheena looked more sad than solemn. “Do you want to go home?”
I took Sheena’s face in my hands.
“No. You are great Sheena. You’re a good friend.” Tiptoeing, I kissed her cheek. Then I kissed her lips.
“You know I don’t love you like that.” I said as I pulled my face back.
Sheena had chuckled.
“But dear,” her face turned solemn, “I know that.”
Sheena then smiled saying, “I’m used to it.”
“I’m sorry.” I chided.
Sheena looked at me and sighed.
“Darling, do you know how hard it is for a transexual on the streets not to be harassed for being a woman in a man’s body? Why, I get the trouble every day of my life walking around with my clothes all a five x too large with a bulge portion of my tidbits showing; and I’ll tell you something, Maria, I almost got beaten and raped on the streets of this very place of New York. Everywhere I go I am constantly reminded of how ugly this world is. Do you know that love?”
I flinched.
“These people did that?”
“Yes darling.”
I felt even more closer to Sheena than I had ever felt before as I wrapped my towel around my body.
***
After I put on my clothes, I saw Sheena reading a Cosmopolitan magazine. Sheena was complex. Remembering her in high school, I remembered that Sheena was a dork. Sheena was always at the library with her glasses on. A good student too. Nikolas was very popular even though he was really short. I could never grasp how much I wanted to point that out that Sheena would have been the most wanted woman in the history of mankind. Sheena was irresistible to women. Maybe that was why it was so hard for her to find a man. Instead of thinking about why Sheena never had a boyfriend, we had pillow or girl’s talk instead.
Sheena called me to her room. We had a pillow fight after our talk about good men versus bad men, our horoscopes and especially music and its different genres. I wished our talk would never end. We were looking up at the ceiling.
“Sheena?”
“Yes dear.”
“How did you get this penthouse and manage to get it to the top room of the top floor? These are very expensive.”
Sheena shuffled her feet and even squirmed a little.
“I sued Verona.”
“Wow.” I said.
I proceeded to ask. “Why?”
“For many things.”
I eyed Sheena.
“What kind of things?”
We had a long talk about why she wanted Sheena to be the same Angelo until it came down to me.
“And now you know.” Sheena said bitterly.
I recognized how bitter she was and said nothing more.
I turned to her on the massively huge bed.
“You know I wouldn’t change you for anybody else right?”
Sheena looked at me with intensity.
“Girl, are you serious?”
“Yes. I’m fascinated by you. After all Nikki’s put you through? I’m fascinated.”
She shuffled her feet again.
“Sheena, I’m also very Goddamn proud.”
Sheena smiled looking up at the ceiling.
“God bless you child.”
I cuddled up to her.
“Thank you for giving me your patience and for putting up with my bullshit.”
Sheena yawned.
“Ja Ja darling, it’s time for bed.”
As I slept, I could feel the brush of her lips on my forehead.
“Goodnight dear.”
***
The night had gone too fast. First, I needed to ask Sheena where Verona was so I could tell her off. I needed to tell her that frankly, Sheena and I would never intend to make love to each other as we did in the previous past few days. I had decided that I would un-make myself victim of utter shock and confusion. As long as I had Sheena and she was my friend. Sheena was all I had actually. Not that it would’ve mattered to Sheena, but I think she knows how much she alone means to me. I thought of being gay for her but why should she want a woman right after she herself became one? I loved everything about her. From her kinky haired wig to her sequined black dress which was seemingly her favorite, and her gigantic platform shoes and make-up.
***
I looked around the pent for Sheena. Sheena had always had the habit of disappearing whenever I cooked so I found a letter from Sheena at the secretary downstairs in the lobby and went ahead and took the elevator back up.
***
Dear Maria,
I know you had wanted to try to make amends with Verona but she simply disappeared at the club today while we were out. Haha. Don’t worry darling it was late in the daytime when she tragically disappeared. She seemed very blunt and said she was indeed without a doubt very sorry. I cannot explain what happened but we had found her body in the back of a cab which had been parked at the club essentially and sadly her body was mutilated. Think of that dear! I feel so sorry for her. The cab seemed empty and desolate but I have already notified the police. No, it is not your cooking that I am afraid of. You’re a smart girl so you must have known that I myself would write. I’m sure you didn’t lock yourself out did you darling? No matter. This issue will soon have been resolved.
Mwah! Love you at that!
P.S. I should be home shortly…. The keys to the car outside are at your leisure Love.
***
I went shopping with what little money I had. I explored New York around Little Italy, Chinatown and even New York, New York. I looked at the tall skyscrapers and even the twin towers of Manhattan. I searched for little grocery stores but had found that I must have missed them because I ended up buying Chinese takeout instead. The only thing good about New York I felt that was closer to nature was Central Park. I passed times square and looked up at its billboards and lights. I had decided not to take a stroll when I set out only to come back home due to my experience the first time with the lousy cab driver who had abducted me. I went into the vast lobby with the secretary and chandeliers hanging above our heads with their banquet tables underneath them to the left and right and sighed. New York is beautiful. Sheena is beautiful. I went up the elevator to the top floor of our brand-new pent. I turned the keys to our and found Sheena talking to a policeman. Only Sheena this time was dressed like one with her short hair and utterly shocked face. It was like going into the movie theaters naked without any thought to it. I kept my mouth shut and my shoes on ready to help answer any questions or anything until Sheena finally bid goodbye to the officer and closed the door. Suddenly, silence as Sheena went to the balcony.
“He has a nice bum.” She said. “Perfect for fucking.”
I stared at her.
“Did they find Verona’s murderer?” I asked without thinking.
“No and Yes.”
I felt so bad for Sheena that I came up to her and hugged her, burying my head into her chest as her muscular arms embraced me. I looked up and she just gazed at me still in her embrace. She looked grim. I stopped as clearly, I was shocked to have her look at me like that. Then something dawned on me as I started to remember what she just said.
She just kept staring at me grimly. Then her face went solemn.
“Sheena.” I said shortly. “Yes and no. What does that mean?”
“Maria, girl, they’ve seen the murderer but have not found him yet.”
I stood there like a statue and felt my heart leap.
“What do you mean?”
Sheena embraced me harder this time.
“Maria.” She sighed. “I killed her.”
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