Things I wish I knew

Dear Beloved,
I hate getting personal, but I can also be quite insensitive to your feelings and I hope you know that I wrote this not to intend on writing this or reading this out loud to you. I also hope that you never find out what I am writing about because apparently all I seem to do is write to you, about you and in the form of poetry, words can only express my love for you. I wish I knew more about myself but it tends to bring out the worst in me. If you felt I was insensitive at the time you met me, here’s all the things I wanted you to know dearly before I leave you for someone else. You might not care but I was in love at the time I had met you and I was so caught up in my feelings that I barely had time for you, and now reflecting on today, I am still thinking that there was something. Maybe it was a spark. Sometimes I wish I knew what lies in your thoughts behind those onyx black eyes. Here’s a little sonnet for you on all the things I wish you knew.
I wish I knew what laid in those eyes as I long before searched for an answer and sometimes I am left to believe that I am still searching.
I wish I knew what the mist in your eyes meant when it reached the open sea.
I wish sometimes that sometimes when you looked at it, you would have thought of me.
I wish I knew what you meant when you told me that souls matter and that sometimes they don’t.
I wish that things could’ve been better for the both of us so we wouldn’t have to part or that you still had that flame for me hidden somewhere if there ever was a flame.
I wish I could’ve told you that you are a work of art.
Sometimes I wish that I could’ve known the color of your heart.
The rest and all these things will lie exactly where you left them, in my thoughts and in my head.

And in between my glances as thoughts of you storm as I dream about you in my bed.
I wish I never knew you at times and the way you glimpse at me inside your eyes.
I am now building walls around my heart for you in looking for you in between the universe and the stars in the skies.
Now that you know what I wish I knew, I’m writing this to you.
Here’s another poem of the things I wish you’d do.

I wish you’d come and tell me what is bothering you.
I wish sometimes you would call me.
I wish sometimes that where I was, was with you.
I wish you got this letter or the love I’ve tried to have given you.
Sometimes I wish you’d tell me where you were. Oh how I wish I knew.
I wish there was a way you could’ve told me how you felt.
I wish you could’ve told me what actually made your eyes seem to look sad because they make me melt.
I wish you’d write a poem so I could figure out how to know you.
I wish you could paint me a picture in black and white of things you would like to do.
I wish you could’ve told me about what you wish you knew.

I’m not the greatest poet, I know of only one rhyme scheme and sometimes it’s not good.
But for all I know about you, you have petrified my heart made of wood.
The only good in me was you and that was all that was good.
I wish there was a way of telling you this in fact there are times when I think I could.

When we are apart I tend to think of the things inside your heart.
I wish I didn’t fall in love with you because apparently it wasn’t smart.

Sometimes I wish that you knew these things because we could’ve had a chance together and if not then maybe we could’ve still have been in touch somehow. I wish that I could see you again and I hope these words will be enough. If it isn’t enough then I hope you know there is still that flame in my heart for you no matter how many people are around. Needless to say there will always be a place for you deep in my heart. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I still don’t believe that it actually does. I have always been infatuated by the knowledge you share with me and the times we have spent together although brief and short. I know sometimes these trivial ideas on this paper will not get into your head, but I still write about you and I always will be thinking, questioning, wondering about you. I will always be missing you.

Your Friend,
Megan Certeza

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